in the life of a loser

167!

2009-09-09T16:06:00.000-04:00

Weight as of this morning :)

My weight in the last18 months:

2009-07-11T09:24:00.003-04:00

I weighed myself this morning (as I have quite a bit in the last few weeks, a good thing) and was pleasantly surprised to see 171.1. Just under 2lbs away from my lowest all-time post-RNY weight (Dec. 31st, 2007).

Dec. 31 2007 - 169.2
Mar. 6 2008 - 177.8
Apr. 23 2008 - 182.3
Aug. 26 2008 - 189.3
Jul. 11 2009 - 171.1

It's been a crazy wave! But I'm feeling much, much better about myself and my future. Asking my doctor for help did wonders for me. It took a long time to gather the courage to approach my doctor and say "I suck at this and need help". It wasn't easy and not to put down my surgeon's nurse, but he is not an easy one to talk to! I went for my follow-up and the first words out of his mouth: "Why have you gained weight?" and I honestly felt like a complete failure right there and then. I started gaining weight months before my 1-year surgaversary. I was in deep, deep denial and to cope...I binged. Every night like clockwork I snuck down to the kitchen and aspirated as much junk as I could. Some nights I would get so sick, I'd end up just passing out. Literal food coma. I didn't tell anybody, I just rapidly started gaining weight. I knew I had to stop this...I just had no idea how to even begin tackling the issue.
I moved out of my parent's home last June. It was very exciting. I could control what I brought into my own kitchen. This was great until I started buying exactly what my parents did. Now however, I had no body but an often absent roommate to hide food from. I just kept on eating. I started seeing a personal trainer, thinking that exercise would motivate me to eat better but then I lost my job and couldn't afford to keep seeing him. School was wearing me out and I hated what I was studying. I failed 2/4 classes that semester.
Without drastically changing anything, I noticed I had lost 7-8 lbs throughout the year...until my follow-up and blood work at the end of April. After confessing that I sucked at eating, I was referred to the nutritional therapist. He's a recent graduate, very easy to talk to, considering this is stuff I've had bottled up forever and have never told anybody. He finds it fascinating how I over-analyze absolutely everything. He's taught me not to feel guilty for eating. And oddly enough it's helped me not binge, at all for a while now. If I want a piece of chocolate, I have just a piece and I don't feel guilty. I also don't buy any cookies. Cookies have and always will be my weakness. If I really want cookies, I buy the premium super expensive ones. If I'm going to have something, it has to be good. And I'm fine with that. In my freezer I have a dark chocolate bar with hazelnuts and I have a piece or two a day...and even that I don't even have everyday. And I am COMPLETELY fine with that. For the first time in my 'real' post-op life I don't feel afraid of being home alone and eating everything in sight. I'm trying really hard to think about why I want to eat if I know it isn't mealtime.
I'm working hard in the field I want to be in, starting a new university and major in the fall. And my boyfriend moved in with me a couple of weeks ago! That too has helped a lot with the cooking and eating set meals.

Lots of changes, many positive ones. I really hope I can continue this progress and keep asking for help when I need it. I can't do this solo, I've learned that much.

My dad is doing really well. Probably better than I have. He's still so afraid of getting sick (dumping, or from eating too much or too quickly). He's tried a bunch of new foods (he was a pickier eater than I ever was). He goes to the gym in the mornings before work. I'm very, very proud of how he's handled this. I still tell him that he may soon want to push boundaries (only because I didn't and didn't expect it) but I'm confident and he'll just keep excelling.

So that's about it for the updates!

Reviving my blog

2009-06-17T18:30:00.002-04:00

I've typed and erased today's entry about 10 times now. I have no excuses for not updating my page. I honestly lost touch with my post-RNY self. I think moving downtown, making new friends, living a whole new life made me lose track of a lot of things.
Last year I gained 19 lbs from my lowest post-op weight. NINTEEN POUNDS. In 9 or so months. I was petrified. I felt horrible, horrible guilt. I don't even know what to say about that except that I'm doing much better and am now 8 or so pounds away from my lowest weight (I've lost 11 since the fall).
I almost completely blocked this blog from my mind until today, when in therapy, I brought it up. My therapist, who I have been seeing since early May, has been asking me to keep a sort of thought diary and I'd been avoiding doing that like the plague. "Getting real" is not easy!

Once a Loser, always a Loser

2008-09-28T14:49:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates this weeks, folks. I was laid off last Friday and it's made for a very blah week. I haven't been eating too catastrophically but I guess I've just been bumming around. I haven't been to the gym in almost 2 weeks. I also had to speak to my trainer about postponing future sessions until I hear more from my job about coming back freelance or something.
I am making a beef stew for supper. It's the perfect weather for a big bowl of warm beef stew!

That's about it for the update!

Quickie!

2008-09-18T11:17:00.002-04:00

I have to run to class but I just wanted to get this thing started.

Brunch - Quiche! They did not turn out very nice. I got no "crusty" part on the bottom, just the top. I mixed in frozen peas, pesto, prosciutto, cheese, onion. It's very good, only would be better if the bottom was all pretty and crunchy.

Snack - No clue

Supper - Working

Viva la Ouch.

2008-09-18T00:08:00.002-04:00

No pain, no 'gain'. Just a quick update because I'm sleepy and sore and I have a long day tomorrow.

Breakfast - RS oatmeal
Lunch - BLT on whole wheat toast
Supper - 1/2 fajita, 1/3 cup of rice, salad
Snacks - Granola bar, bowl of cereal when I got home from work, 50 calorie white tea peach popsicle, 1 rice cake.

Weight this morning - 188.1

Ouch.

2008-09-16T15:24:00.002-04:00

My trainer kicked my ass this morning. Today was like last week 10 fold! It was amazing though, I feel like I could take on anything.
This morning he had me warm up on the rowing machine. That was hard after a while but nothing compared to what was about to come! 10 squats, 10 lunges, 15 forward-shoulder press things, 15 back-shoulder preses, and then the killer...10 jumping things pushing 25 lbs over my head. Those killed me. All this for 20 minutes. By the end I could barely bend my legs to lunge or squat. Going up the stairs after all this nearly killed me! We then did cardio, on the bike, and finished with some core work and lots'o'stretching. Made from quite an interesting walk home. It was awesome though, I really like this trainer of mine. He isn't too bad to look at either, which helps!

Breakfast - 1/2 cup FF greek yogurt, with splenda, drizzle of honey, blueberries
Post-workout snack - Apple, FF/SF latte, granola bar
Lunch - Rice crispies with milk
Supper - At work!

Yes, I had rice crispies for lunch. The joys of running back and fourth from the gym, work, school, and home! I will bring something to eat after supper at work tonight. Hopefully it's something good and healthy. That cereal I had for lunch isn't cutting it. I'm doing well on water today which is a nice change!

Aaaaaand I forgot to weigh myself, again.

Hello!

2008-09-15T14:42:00.003-04:00

On the left is a picture from the big fat italian wedding I went to on Saturday. 8 courses my friends. EIGHT. I skipped 2 because I don't eat seafood...but I did have control and skipped a lot of the pasta and stuff. The protein didn't come until the end when I was full, go figure. I also left just as they were rolling out the sweet table. No words!
I haven't stepped on the scale since, but I will do so tomorrow before I hit the gym. I was still full yesterday so I didn't have too much to eat. I'm feeling pretty awesome right now!

Breakfast - 3/4 of an egg, 2 slices of bacon, 1/4 slice of whole wheat bread, piece of watermelon, a couple of potato wedges.
Lunch - Toaster strudel
Supper - Grilled chicken breast, salad, corn & peas
Snack - Granola bar

I haven't kept up with my water in the last week so I will have to catch up on that. Work meal tonight was grilled chicken with french fries. I skipped the fries (didn't even have 1!) and had salad and frozen veggies instead. The chicken breast filled me up big time (it was only 3-4oz too) and I was sick shortly after I had those peas & corn. Not a bad day at all if you ask me. Could have had a proper lunch instead of that toaster strudel. I simply ran out of time!

Personal training session again in the morning...wish me luck!

It's freezing outside!

2008-09-10T21:06:00.002-04:00

It's fall :( When did that happen?
Our office got broken into early this morning. Third break-in in 4 months. We've only been in the building since November too. It was the same guy as the 2nd time, except that this morning he didn't take a thing. It was so strange. He spent 20 minutes in our office and we have no idea what he did for all that time.

Breakfast - Protein bar
Snack - Pumpkin muffin from Starbucks & a coffee. Bad bad bad bad bad.
Lunch - 1/2 hamburger, possibly 4 french fries...which made me sick and miserable for the rest of the afternoon.
Snack - 2 rice cakes
Supper - Beef stew, garlic rapini, and a piece of yorkshire pudding.

Weight this morning - 188.8

I got my butt kicked

2008-09-09T20:43:00.002-04:00

I haven't had time to update in a few days. My schedule is so messed up right now. 1 week down, 11 to go! I've worked every day since I don't know when. When I'm not working, I'm in class. When I'm not in class I'm studying, trying not to fall behind.
I haven't been able to weigh myself in a couple of days either. My roommate's boyfriend was in town and since I have no curtains on my doors yet, I couldn't really hop onto the scale naked. I've also had a cold and haven't been eating as much. And I have no food at home. The joys of being a student.
I met with my personal trainer Roberto this morning. I told him I was sick and to take it easy. He said he would. He lied! First I biked for 10 minutes. We did intervals ranging from 80-90-100rpm. It was tough to do first thing in the morning. Then we did lots of squats, lost of shoulder presses, and rowing. And then to finish off the session, I had to do a circuit of everything combined. 100rpm on the bike for 30 seconds, 20 squats, 200m rowing (keep under 2:40/500m), 10 shoulder presses...all in 20 minutes. It hurt, but it felt really good.
After the gym I had to jump in the shower, run home, grab my books, run to school...then run back home, change clothes and now I'm at work. Crazy day to say the least!

Breakfast - PB&J sandwich
Snack - Apple
Lunch - None
Supper - Chicken casserole at work, with some salad
Snack - Pretzels

I caved and got the pretzels.

School sucks

2008-09-04T19:04:00.002-04:00

Day 3 today and my days of [partial] sanity are definitely numbered. So much to review already. Is it December yet?
I haven't had much time to eat today, sort of a good thing. I also forgot to step on the scale before breakfast.

Breakfast - 1 whole wheat toast, FF PB
Lunch - Detour bar, starbucks frappucino drink (le sigh)
Supper - Small greek salad (not the healthy kind either), 1/2 greek pita bread
Snack - Maybe a hot chocolate, or a fruit popsicle.

Back to school!

2008-09-02T22:04:00.002-04:00

Breakfast - 1.5 small slices of whole wheat toast with 1 tblsp. PB
Snack - Detour bar, banana, iced coffee with milk
Supper - Spaghetti yet again, with chicken in the sauce
Snack - Handful of pretzels, more iced coffee

Weight this morning - 189.3

I started classes again today. I think this semester may be the one that will cause the most stress ever. I might have to re-think this whole working 30 hours a week thing if I want to keep my sanity. My classes so far this semester seem very heavy. I spent tonight reviewing things from my summer course and found that hard. I can't imagine having to add to that.
It will be interesting to say the least.
I didn't have time to eat today really...I was running in between buildings all day and then had to run to work. I think I'll be having many days like these in the 12 weeks to come! I finally stepped onto the scale today and was quite surprised at how high the number went. I seem to be stuck between 186-189. I start the personal training a week from today so I look forward to seeing those results. I'm also retaining water this week I'm sure. It's been so hot this week (warmest week of the summer...in September, go figure).

Labour Day Monday!

2008-09-01T12:16:00.002-04:00

Back to school TOMORROW. Argh. I feel like I haven't had time to enjoy summer because I've just been so busy working. Already back to school.
I stepped onto the scale Friday and was up 2 lbs, for no reason at all. Maybe I'm retaining water but it was enough to ruin my weekend.
Friday - I finally made this zucchini lasagna. It turned out pretty darn yummy. But then Friday night my roommate came home with ice cream and a movie, so I had some of that.
Saturday - I went to the gym for my pilates class, and then went to work since there was another wedding. I ate. They served spaghetti for supper, this small crepe thing filled with fruit, and I had pretzels to top it all off. Needless to say Saturday's gym session was useless!
Yesterday wasn't so bad. Had fruit for breakfast then went to a BBQ. I had a handful of chips, lots of raw veggies, corn on the cob, and 3/4 of a small chicken breast...which ended up making me sick.

Today:

Breakfast - Some granola cereal (no milk), strawberry protein shake, coffee
"Snack" - Iced tea (110 calories, which is what makes it a snack)
Lunch - I'm at work and all there is are pita pizzas
Supper - Leftover zucchini lasagna

Forgot to step on the scale this morning, will do so tomorrow before school.

...

2008-08-28T20:36:00.002-04:00

I'm having a bad day today. Just a day where everything has gone wrong. Time has dragged on and I can't wait to get into bed and sleep-in tomorrow morning.
Food-wise, could be worse. As long as the scale is going down, which it is!

Breakfast - Protein bar, coffee
Lunch - Pita pizza, 1 cookie (felt sooooooo crappy after)
Supper - Beef stew with piece of whole wheat bread
Snack - 1.5 clementines, some sierra nut mix, detour bar

Weight this morning - 187.6 (down 1.2 since the beginning of the week!)

Plus demain :)

So there IS such a thing as too much melon

2008-08-27T21:03:00.002-04:00

Before I forget:

Breakfast - Reduced sugar apple/cinnamon oatmeal
Lunch - BLT on whole wheat, watermelon, some m&m's
Supper - Big fat heirloom tomato with balsamic, oil, basil
Snack - 1 cracker, 4 graham cracker cookies, lots of watermelon

Weight this morning - 188.1 (down from yesterday...but I can't remember by how much exactly!)

I went to see my dad tonight and again he was kind of upset that no body had given him directions for when he goes home. The number of times I've already told him not to expect anyone to spoon feed him I tell ya...Oy! He's doing fine, no more insulin, BP was great, temp was excellent. He started passing gas but man was his stomach swollen. I don't remember mine being so big!

Must get back to some work...more tomorrow!

Bored and fidgety

2008-08-26T20:53:00.001-04:00

I called the clinic around 2pm to see how my dad's surgery was and the nurse put me right through to his room since he was awake. He was pretty out of it, in quite some pain from the gas. I told him time and time again that this would be the worst of it but even he said he didn't believe how bad it actually would be. I only spoke to him a couple of minutes, I was surprised that he was awake!
When I spoke to him this evening he had been around and walking, he was feeling much better. They had to give him 3 shots of insulin though because his blood sugars were way high for some reason. Probably the stress from the surgery. It was 4.4 this morning (which is low-normal for you Americans) but went right up to 8.5-8.9 range which is very high. They were going to keep giving him insulin until the results got under 8. Hopefully soon.
Aside from that he was in good spirits. I look forward to seeing him tomorrow!

I've updated my consumption of the day down below in this morning's entry :)

Dad is out of surgery and doing well!

2008-08-26T12:32:00.003-04:00

He survived the surgery, cool as a cucumber, as usual. He's got a bunch of visitors lined up and hopefully I'll get my chance tomorrow afternoon.
Last night wasn't too bad. I ended up having a bowl of cereal for supper. Honey Nut Cheerios nonetheless. Later on in the night I had a clementine, and a few more of those freaking graham cracker cookies. I also had 1 eggroll which made me very sick for some reason. Here is what I've consumed today:

Breakfast - 1/2 banana, 1 detour bar, coffee
Lunch - BLT on a white 6" baguette. It was either that or pizza.
Snack - Fruit cup, baby carrots and ranch dip
Supper - A couple of potato wedges and ham, a few green beans
Snack - 3 clementines and I was pretzels so bad. Urgh. Won't. Do. It.

Weight this morning - 188.8 (down 0.5 from yesterday)

No gym tonight since I work but definitely tomorrow once I go and visit my dad.

12 hours and counting

2008-08-25T18:32:00.003-04:00

In less than 12 hours my dad is going in for his surgery. He doesn't seem nearly as nervous as I was. April 30th 2007 I was a nervous wreck. I seriously could not stop crying all day. I wasn't afraid or anything, just really emotional.
In any case, please keep him in your thoughts! I will be going to see him on Wednesday hopefully.

Here is what I consumed today:
Breakfast - 2 clementines, 1 banana, coffee
Lunch - 3/4 cup whole wheat linguine with pesto and tiny pieces of prosciutto, 2-3 slices of roma tomato
Snack - 4 graham cookies (in my defense they were very small might I add)
Supper - Not sure yet. I wanted to make those zucchini roll-ups but it's late now and I don't feel like cooking. I may just have a salad.
Snack - I have cherries, watermelon, and hot chocolate...I shall pick one!

Weight this morning - 189.3

Holy Zucchinis!

2008-08-24T22:26:00.004-04:00

3 months after moving downtown I finally decided to brave the crowds and head to the farmer's market. Jean-Talon market is located in Montreal's own Little Italy. It is one of the biggest markets of its kind in North America. I had been as a kid a few times but I knew I would have a blast going again. The weather was so beautiful this weekend, perfect produce picking weather!
I got there just before 1 and went around all the booths and made a mental list of what I wanted. The heirloom tomatoes were the size of small melons, and their colours were just out of this world. I walked, I tasted, I bought then had to drag it all back to my place without ripping my canvas bag which was overflowing with goodies.
It was a pain having to clean and store it all away. I got a basketful of heirloom tomatoes, beautiful zucchini, a big crate of roma tomatoes, bunches of berries, onions, and clementines to last me until Thanksgiving.
I am so sore today from yesterday's pilates class. I don't think I'll make it to the gym tomorrow night...I'm suppose to go pottery painting!

2008-08-23T22:21:00.002-04:00

Just taking a break from work to update! There's a wedding at the club tonight so it's been hectic. I finally was able to meet a personal trainer last night. His name is Roberto. We had a hard time finding a date that was good for the both of us after weeks of back and fourth e-mails.
We sat down and talked for about 2 hours. I told him everything about my past gym experiences, my surgery, my lack-of-exercise since the surgery, the weight I still wanted to lose, everything. I told him that ultimately, I would love nothing more than to be able to run a 5k. So that is our main objective. He kept telling me that I would hate him once we started our training sessions. He even showed me a couple of the things we'd be doing and I had to laugh at the thought of me even attempting to do some of it. We'll be meeting every Monday night starting September 8th, for an hour, hopefully for 10 weeks or so. If I can make it to the gym that 1 night a week for an intense workout, then 2-3 other days just running, yoga, or pilates. I've been going to this one pilates class Saturday mornings for 3 weeks now and I love it. It's just my pace! And the instructor is always giving us options so everyone kind of adapts the workout to their own level. It's a small class also (we were 9 this morning, the most we've been so far) so there's no intimidation either.
My eating is 100x better on days that I workout too. I feel better, I eat better. I did try a new protein shake this morning - gas problems galore. I wasn't bad-tasting, but for a vanilla protein powder, it didn't taste like much at all. I almost wanted to add splenda to my frozen fruit.

That's just about it :)

Eek!

2008-08-19T16:09:00.002-04:00

I've gotten bad with the updates. I don't mean to, I'm just working 60+ hours a week.
Things are good. My weight has no budged despite me eating all over the place just to see some movement on the scale. My dad's surgery is next week and I feel like I'm reliving a lot of what I went through. It's amazing the things I've forgotten already. I'm hoping to tag along for his post-op appointment so that I can follow-up with my surgeon.

Quick update - I'm off to the gym!

Helloooooo!

2008-07-28T16:23:00.002-04:00

I've gotten the lovely messages from my being away for so long and I'm definitely back and in for the long run.
As you know, I moved out of my parent's house and into my own apartment in June. I had gained 7-10 lbs since the beginning of this year and really thought moving out would change all that since I would be the one responsible for groceries and such. I did really well in the beginning but began to fall off the wagon and in recent weeks I had noticed my pants and a lot of my clothing started to feel snugger than it had. I went shopping this weekend for work clothes and I had to go up a size in jeans. I broke down and bought a scale (after not having one in 2 months) and was absolutely horrified when I saw the number that came up. I stepped on and off 10 times probably just to make sure that the number was actually my current weight. My jaw literally dropped. I had the worst nasty feeling in my stomach.
I immediately went through my kitchen and threw out anything a post-op should not have. Surprisingly, I had lots of it. I just couldn't believe how I had let myself go.
Today is a new day. I started journaling. I'm going to the gym. I've started talking to others again about my operation because for a while there, I'd stopped telling people.

That's my update. I need to stay on top of this because I now know what happens when I don't. Shocking!

Day 391

2008-05-26T23:48:00.002-04:00

Two updates in two days = not too shabby! I feel like I'm re-living all I went through last year seeing as my dad's going in for the surgery in 2 weeks. I've been more than a little apprehensive about the whole thing just because while both my parents have been great in "supporting" me, they have done nothing to help me food-wise. They continued to buy junk food and maintained their horrible lifestyles. I've done what I can but it's still been one of my biggest obstacles to date.
I love my dad to bits but he has got to be the most stubborn human being on this earth. I'm exactly like him in fact. People warned me that hunger returns after surgery, that the surgery does not cure anything, that you can easily regain weight and I listened to all of that but figured it would be somehow different for me. He's in the same mindset and won't admit it.
He's done research and when I first told him about my initial consult he told he contemplated the same thing. Both my parents are absolutely clueless when it comes to nutrition. When I asked my dad how many grams of protein he should aim for after surgery he said 30. Oy. He knows nothing about food, he can't cook at all and I just can't help but think...if my mother did't really support me, how the heck is she gonna support him? My entire family needs a crash course on food.
That's my Monday rant. I'm sitting here at almost midnight and I feel like I'm starving. I had a pretty good day food-wise:
Breakfast - Fresh fruit
Snack - Starbuck's SF Soy latte, berry parfait (320 FREAKING CALORIES!!!!!!!!)
Lunch - Protein bar
Snack - Banana, 2 pickles
Supper - 1/6 slice whole wheat crust spinach chicken pizza
Snack - 2 apples (made applesauce with splenda/cinnamon)

Just under 1000 calories, 20g of fat, 154g carbs, 48g of protein.

Day 390

2008-05-25T19:02:00.002-04:00

I know, I know. I'm a horrible blogger! No excuses really. I've just been the same old crazy busy. I had a nice 1 year surgiversary and an even better 21st birthday. I finished exams at the end of April and started summer classes 4 days later. Even those finish in a couple of week. I don't know where time goes. Things are going well. I'm moving out next weekend so I have been packing up and throwing a lot out.
Eating- meh! I have great days and not-so-great ones. Good thing about moving will be that I'll finally be able to control whatever comes into my kitchen. I'm really looking forward to walking down to the farmer's market every weekend stacking up on produce for the week.
I start my advertising internship next week also (day after I move, go figure) so being out of the house all day and making lunches hopefully will work on my side. I do better when I'm busy with less time to snack and more time spent on planning. Time will tell! If I fuck up now I'll have no one to blame but myself.

I'll try updating again this week before the move :)

Day 358

2008-04-23T16:08:00.002-04:00

I'd like to say I'm having a good eating day but truth is it's 4pm and I'm at 160 carbs for the day. Not necessarily bad carbs...90% of them are from the fruit I've eaten.

Breakfast - Strawberries, blueberries, a banana
Snack - Grapes, 2 small apples, string cheese (eaten over the course of a few hours, of course)
Lunch - 2 slices whole wheat toast with 1 tblsp LF PB and a drizzle (maybe 1/4 tsp.) of honey
Supper - Not quite sure yet

Puts me at roughly 840 calories, 17g of fat, 164g carbs, 22g of protein. Yikes!

I have all this fruit to eat before it goes bad which explains the enormous consumption increase. I feel pretty bloated now and will try and stick to a light supper. We'll see how that goes!

And just for the heck of it, here's some recent weight stats:
All time low: 169.2 (Dec. 31st 2007)
Last week: 184.9
This morning: 182.3

Day 357

2008-04-22T14:08:00.002-04:00

Breakfast - Strawberries, blueberries
Snack - 1 cheese stick, 1 banana, 1 iced soy SF latte
Lunch - Protein bar
Supper - I think we're going out for thai...eek.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't end up going to the gym though and during the hockey game last night I ate about a cup of pretzels at work. My work had a crappy supper too so I didn't really eat much. I had a tiny bit of salad, a couple of oz of chicken and maybe 1/3 cup of white rice. I got home late with a huge headache and had some frozen yogurt and a couple of roasted baby potatoes leftover from my family's dinner.

So far so good today. I'm at the library and this morning I spent an hour sitting on one of the many terraces having my iced latte. It's so nice to finally have gotten through the rough winter we had. We still have quite a bit of snow on the ground though...it's weird because it's been so hot. It's like we never had a spring, we went straight from winter to summer weather.

Plan for today is simple...no eating unless it's a meal. I only had fruit for breakfast so I was pretty hungry by the time I got to school. I brought the banana and cheese with me and when I was at the coffee shop, I almost got a muffin but my friend gave me 'the look'. Thank goodness too because I didn't need the freaking muffin! I think we're going to this pad-thai place for supper tonight. They do have these non-fried eggrolls which are excellent. I wonder how bad they can be? I'll have to look it up...

I don't know when I'll be able to make it to the gym next. My last final is Saturday and it's a biggie!

Day 356

2008-04-21T09:43:00.003-04:00

10 days until my big 1 year surgiversary! It's scary how quickly the past year has gone...where does time go?
I had my first support group meeting yesterday in a long time. I've been working on Sundays lately so hadn't been able to catch one in a while. It really clears my head when I go to these things and today I'm feeling 101% more confident in my eating than I have been.
What I need to do:
- Have a big breakfast which should keep me full for about 4 hours.
- I also need to stretch out my meals because I'm eating them too quickly and getting hungry quickly thereafter.
- Big'ish lunch & smaller suppers.
- Set a cutoff time for eating in the evening.
- Get back to exercising.
- Weigh myself regularly because I've gained weight and I've been in denial about it.
- BLOG MORE.

So...

Breakfast - 1 egg, 1 slice of whole wheat toast with 1/2 tsp. LF PB, 1 new potato with tiny piece of onion, about a cup of fresh fruits.
Lunch - 2 bocconcini balls, 2 roma tomatoes, some onion, some garlic, some EVOO with some form of protein which I have yet to figure out.
Supper - Whatever is made at work
Snack - Whole wheat crackers with cheese? Depends what time of day it is.

Water - Most certainly
Exercise - I sure hope so!

Boo!

2008-04-08T19:53:00.003-04:00

I haven't updated in a long while and have gotten e-mails and messages like there's no tomorrow. So, here I am! Reason for not updating: I've just been really, really busy. School is taking up all of my time but the good news is I'm almost done. Classes officially end tomorrow and then all I have left to do is 1 term paper and 3 finals. Finals are the toughest part and just thinking about them makes me sick to my stomach from nervousness.
I had a horrible flu right after Easter and I was stuck in bed for a week. I'm just getting over the cold leftover from that. I didn't think it would ever go away...not cool!
My weight has been stuck since December. I've been bouncing up and down between the same 10 lbs. I can't say that I'm happy about it, but at the same time I'm not unhappy with what I weigh now. It wouldn't be the end of the world if this was it for me. Would I like to lose another 20lbs? Absofrikenlutely. However, maybe that just isn't realistic for me. There is a lot going on in my life right now so things will change.
I move out June 1st. Moving out of the house for the first time...and I'm terrified! Very excited, a little sad, and very nervous. Food is the number 1 issue in my life. Having surgery did not change that. I'll always struggle with making decisions. So not having as much crap in the house will probably do wonders for me...if I don't do the buying of course. I've always secretly resented my parents for buying junk food and making me fat and I've always said that if I lived alone, I wouldn't buy any of it. We shall see!

So that's my update. I'm house-sitting all week and then finals start and end April 26th. Oh and I start a second [full-time] job and summer school April 30th. It just doesn't end!

Day 314

2008-03-10T17:48:00.002-04:00

No updates in a couple of days, oops! I had a busy weekend and we got dumped on by snow big time Saturday. They still haven't cleared the snow and they say it won't be done until the end of the week!
Eating-wise I didn't do too well this weekend. I was crabby, tired and just reaching for convenient food rather than cooking my own healthy stuff. Today is going well although the world seems to be handing me carbs. I had 1/2 a bagel for breakfast and tonight's dinner at the club was penne with meat sauce. I don't know whether my coffee shop screwed up my latte or what this morning but I'm thinking maybe she put in regular syrup instead of SF. I felt awful after it and still feel a bit queasy now. What sucks is that I left my gym bag at the gym because I didn't feel like lugging it around all day...so now I have to go all the way back there after work and pick it up before heading home.

Breakfast - 1/2 cinnamon/raisin bagel with a tiny bit of butter, 2 protein balls (right before gym)
Snack - Latte
Lunch - SB protein bar
Supper - 1 cup penne with meat sauce
Snack - Maybe protein pretzels, maybe SF pudding?

Aaaaand burnt 600 calories at the gym this morning, and got 2L of water in, yay!

Day 310 pt. 2

2008-03-06T19:44:00.002-05:00

I haven't had a 2-parter day in a while! I just got back from the gym and it was amazing. I was going to do a 20-20-20 class but I got there early and decided to restart my C25K program. It went great and I spent an extra 15 minutes on the treadmill walking. I also did about 10 minutes of elliptical and I thought my legs are going to fall off afterwards they were shaking so much. Tomorrow morning I'm going a bootcamp class. Should be a blast!

Eating today is going super. I edited my journal down below in part 1!

Day 310

2008-03-06T12:35:00.003-05:00

After a nice long chat with one of my best WLS buds last night, I've decided that I need to become obsessed with calories tracking once again. Last fall it came to the point where I just refused to eat something I didn't have complete nutritional info on. It was making me crazy and I decided to stop my food journal because I wasn't eating enough and I didn't feel that I needed to worry about a few extra calories here and there. That was then! I need to seriously crackdown on this night time behaviour if it kills me.
I've mentioned it on here several times over the past couple of months and lately I've talked about it openly to my friends and family. I do fine all day long. I have no (almost) problem pushing food away, making healthy balanced meals, keep snacks reasonable and small...but once 9-10-11pm comes around, all that work goes to waste. It's like a completely lose control and just binge on anything I can pick up. It's completely self-destructive, almost completely unconscious and most of all, totally sick. Worst part is, I've probably followed this pattern of behaviour my entire life and never noticed it until now. It scares the crap out of me that I can't seem to stop this from happening night after night. And no, sipping on water won't do anything, neither will sucking on a SF popsicle. The past 2 nights I've had fruit late at night and my scale magically dropped almost 3 lbs. Good sign!

So here it is, my food intake of the day:

Breakfast - 1/2 cup berries, 1 package McCann's SF maple cinnamon oatmeal
Lunch - Detour protein bar
Supper - 1 cup left-over stir-fry from last night. My mom mixed the noodles with the veggies and chicken and I picked as much out of it as I could.
Snack - Cantaloupe, and/or latte, maybe a yogurt if I really need to eat something. I got back from the gym pretty late, so no eating after 9pm.

I'm going to the gym now - yay!!!! I'm so excited. I've been counting down the days since November!

Weight this morning: 177.8 [lowest weight recorded was 169.2 on Dec. 31st]

Day 309

2008-03-05T14:35:00.002-05:00

I declared today a snow day for myself! The weather has been so awful this winter, I just don't understand where all this snow is coming from! I'm gonna try and take pics soon because the snow on our front lawn goes right up to the leafy part of our big tree! I kept waking up because of the wind and freezing rain so I was in no mood to haul my butt downtown this morning. That's a good excuse, right? I thought so too!
I decided to skip my regular morning protein shake to see if maybe my protein powder is causing the deadly gas I've experienced on and off for like 2 months now. I figured that I may be lactose intolerant and have switched to lactose-free skim milk since. It certainly helped my problem...but it hasn't gone away yet. I thought I was going to die the last night I had a shake with regular skim milk so maybe I'll ask for tests when I see my doctor next. So...no protein shake for the next couple of morning. As yummy as they are, they're actually really calorie packed (260 calories, 2g of fat, 26 carbs, 35g of protein) so cutting them out may even be a good thing.

Breakfast - 3/4 cup Special K 'Satisfaction', 1/2 cup LF skim milk
Lunch - Tomato, feta, onion, green pepper salad with balsamic & olive oil. Along with 1 egg, 1/2tsp spinach pesto, couple of tablespoons of parmesan cheese. Big lunch, yes!
Snack - Probably cantaloupe and berries
Supper - Apparently stir-fry!
Snack - I'll just focus on not eating after 8pm.

I'm gonna bravely plug this stuff into fitday and see what comes out...

Day 307

2008-03-03T18:40:00.002-05:00

I'm at work, there's no kids, and mid-terms are finally done and over with so I figured I'd give a boring update!

This morning I had my appointment with the nutritionist at the hospital. I made this appointment back in early January and have been counting down the days because I was looking really forward to learning more about food...I even took the time to print out my fitday logs. I got to the hospital (anyone in Montreal knows that getting and parking at the Royal Vic is a pain in the butt) and waited for the nutritionist. I waited about 20 minutes and decided to go up to Dr. Christou's office and ask to have her paged. She didn't answer her page and we then called her desk...no answer. So I guess she forgot. I had a mid-term at 1, so I had to leave, pay my $10 parking and hope that she calls to re-schedule. Soon.
Oh and I spoke to the nurse coordinator about getting psychological help and he said "Call me tomorrow, today isn't a good day". Alrighty, then.
I was kind of irritated, definitely disappointed in the after-care I've received. I mean I understand how busy it is...but still.

I also brought my dad's application in this morning. I'm so worried for my dad though. I don't feel like he's exhausted all of his options and I really do worry that he thinks this surgery will cure all. I've made this whole process look pretty darn easy and I think I've almost tried convincing him not to go for it right away because he doesn't seem to get it. Will it be the best for him? Definietely, maybe. He's 52, hypertensive, diabetic, has bad sleep apnea...I just don't think he knows how much work is actually involved.

I've had a rough few days eating-wise. Today is going good so far but everyday is great until 10pm or so when I willingly mess it up by binging. I went to the gym on Friday and played squash and my own gym membership (complementary of the gym I work at) begins this Thursday, finally! Maybe it'll re-motivate me and certainly keep me busier than I already am. Spare time, what? What's that?

Day 300

2008-02-25T19:59:00.002-05:00

Just a quick post since I'm leaving work in a few. I have a headache and so much studying to do tonight. It's going to be a long week I can tell.
I had a pretty good eating day yesterday so needless to say I was very surprised to see a 3 lbs gain this morning! It better be water weight. I did have a heavy supper, but I was so proud of it. I ended up getting a great big bag of baby spinach at Costco. I made some spinach pesto with it and had that with ricotta over whole wheat penne for supper. It was so yummy and filling. I know what you may be thinking - the pasta. I'd been craving pasta and had 3/4 of a cup at most. The sauce came out really rich and creamy though. I also found these Wasabi Peas at Costco. I may have had too many. They had such a unique taste, I couldn't figure out if I liked them or not! I also had lots of blueberries last night. Maybe I did overdo it last night...but I'm certainly making up for it today!

Breakfast - Protein shake, the usual
Snacks/Lunch - 2 protein bars: 1 atkins, 1 south beach + a SF soy latte
Supper - 2 chicken thighs (at least I think they were thighs?), 1/4 cup mashed potatoes, 3 bites of salad...seems like a lot but I ate this at work and had a 30 minute break in the middle.
Snack - Lots of studying to do tonight, doubt I'll get any sleep...will probably have coffee, blueberries, or maybe a couple of oatmeal cookies, maybe yogurt or a SF pudding. I haven't decided yet but I'm going to have to stay out of the kitchen and limit my snacks.

I get to use my free gym membership starting next Thursday, yay!

Day 299

2008-02-24T12:26:00.003-05:00

Back home and back on track! Surprisingly, I managed to lose about 2lbs in Florida. I shouldn't say surprisingly because I knew I'd be able to eat a lot better staying at my grandparent's place than at home. It was hard though...and once again I acknowledge that I need help, but nighttime was difficult! I would actually sneak small handfuls of peanuts while my grandparents left the room. Almost completely unaware of it too. It's incredible these habits we get into when we're fat!
Yesterday was a long day because my flight ended up being delayed about half an hour and because of the weather, my grandparents dropped me off at the airport really early. And the entertainment on the flight wasn't working so I literally sat there for 3 hours doing nothing. I had some nuts with me, and my pretzels, and I had a protein bar while waiting at the airport because they don't feed you on these flights anymore.
That's about it for the updating. Eating this morning is going well. I had a protein shake this morning with frozen melon, peaches, strawberries, and grapes...very yummy! Then I had an orange. I'm going grocery shopping with my dad so hopefully I'll be able to stock up on some things for the week. Before I left I had prepared and frozen a bunch of veggies knowing they'd go bad if I didn't, so that'll be nice to fall back on. Good thing because I've got 3 mid-terms this week, yikes!

I promised pictures...but since I was on vacation by myself for the most-part, they all kind of suck.

Breakfast - Protein shake (lactose-free skim milk, frozen fruit, vanilla protein powder), an orange
Lunch - Maybe some edamame and a boca burger
Snack - Probably a latte
Supper - Not sure yet but I have a big container of FF ricotta that expires this week!
Snack - Yogurt? Another orange?

Yet another one

2008-02-21T20:07:00.003-05:00

Not much to report - I've been having a nice relaxing time. Doing some more shopping. Shopping, yes. I officially had to buy a second suitcase today because there was no way I'd fit all my new stuff in the suitcase I took with me. I've got 14 new shirts, 3 pairs of pants, 5 pairs of shoes, a dress, a swimsuit, a cover-up, a gym bag. I'm sure I'm forgetting some! Crazy shopping deals here folks! My grandparents bought a lot for me and I'm very thankful! I'm also taking home lots of protein bars and that delicious Special K protein cereal.
Tomorrow's my last full day and I intend to do nothing but hang around the pool...maybe go to the beach if the weather cooperates, it's been touch-and-go in the last couple of days.

More this weekend!

Another update from Florida!

2008-02-18T12:51:00.002-05:00

Lissa - I am in Tampa! My grandparent's place is on Treasure Island. It was suppose to be a nasty day today, rain and thundershowers but it's been beautiful since about 10am!

I had a small health scare yesterday. I've had it happen to me a couple of times at home, but it usually goes away quickly and it's no big deal. I woke up with sharp pains about an inch or so above my highest incision, or 5-6" above my belly button. I don't know how to describe them aside from sharp pains which prevented me from taking really deep breaths, and stretching my abdomen too much. It was worse when I stood up but I still felt it when sitting/curling up. Finally about 2pm (nearly 6hrs after the pains started) I decided to go to the hospital to have it checked out...and as I was on the phone with my insurance people, the pain went away completely. I suppose it could have been gas, but I think it was too high up for gas...that's most likely what it was. I'll speak to my doctor about it when I get back home.

I've bought wayyyy too much since getting here and I have no freaking idea where to pack any f it for when it's time to go home. Worst part is - I'm only just getting started on the shopping! Oy..

Anyhoo, off to the pool!

Florida Day!

2008-02-15T19:55:00.003-05:00

I'm officially in the sunshine state! I arrived last night after a long day of travel (which included being bumped up to first class from Montreal-Toronto). This was my second time flying (flew to NYC in late August) and like the last night, it was such a comfortable flight. I was even brave enough to go to the washroom on the plane which I was still afraid of last August. I did fit, yay!
As for eating on this big eventful day, I had some honey-mustard pretzel sticks on the first flight (was something like 80 calories, 2g of fat...nothing very filling or nutritious) and then I had my grapes which I brought from home. During my wait at the airport I had a large soy latte, 1/2 a 12-grain bagel, 1/2 chicken patty, and 2 slices of bacon. I must have eaten it too fast because I got some major foamies which I rarely get at all anymore. On the second flight I had my oatmeal cookies and soy crisps...and once I was settled at my grandparent's place I had some broccoli and a bit of shepard's pie.
This morning I woke up to amazing weather! It was almost 80 I think (no idea what that is in metric...but it was quite nice!). We went to do some outlet shopping and I got a bathing suit cover-up thing (size medium), a really cute dress (size 8), and 3 pairs of shoes. Shoes are my weakness! And tomorrow we're hitting flea markets I'm told.

The best shopping of all of course was grocery shopping. Grocery shopping in the States is so, so, so different. I picked up 4 containers of fage (which I learned today is pronounced fa-yeh, and not fad-ge), some genisoy soy nuts, some SB protein bars, some kozy shack puddings (they were 2/4$, when I paid 1 for 4.99 at home!), some Special k protein cereal, lots of fresh fruit. Some other stuff too but man I can't wait to have some of it!

Eating here is awesome too since my grandparents don't buy junk food. I used to hate visiting when I was a kid for that very reason. No sugar, no candy, no white bread. They have been indulging a bit more lately...but they're no where near as bad as my parents.

Breakfast - Special K vanilla & almonds, with my lactose-free skim, coffee
Lunch - Whole grain crackers, garlic cheese, some ham, other cheese, a peach.
Snack - Cinnamon raisin SB protein bar
Supper - Appleby's oriental chicken salad (the half-order, no worries) and ate about 3/4 of it with 3/4 of the dressing, with 1 onion ring, and 1 hershey's kiss.
Snack - I'm definitely going to be trying some of my fage yogurt with splenda and/or a peach.

That's that.

You've requested pictures: Soon to come!

Day 285

2008-02-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

Another quickie from me! I'm actually in a hotel room (or suite, I should say) until Tuesday. My dad has his annual sales meetings until then and I decided to stay with him since I have school and work nearby. Saves me a good hour + each way of transit. Plus staying in hotels is always fun!
It's very quiet since my dad's in meetings all day and I've been able to get a lot of work done and not eat without reason (because the weather is really crappy and I don't feel like walking to get food, ha!).

I'm sure I'll blog again before I leave on Thursday morning. I'm bringing my laptop with me to Florida and I have a 4-hour layover in Toronto so you will be hearing from me!

Day 283

2008-02-08T00:31:00.000-05:00

I'm alive! Sorry for the lack of posts in 2008. I'm really, really, busy and January was a tough month with eating and all but it's going better. I'm spending all of my time either at school, at work, or studying at the library. It's crazy how time flies - mid-terms are next week already! And I leave for Florida next Thursday. It'll be a nice break away from things.
Now for the juicy details. Eating. I've confessed on here and to many people now these self-destructive, spontaneous and uncontrolled bouts of binging I've been dealing with...and I'm sure I dealt with this my whole life and never noticed it before now. I am dealing with it to the best of my ability until I can get the help I need to deal with it. In the past few days I've been able to make some really good decisions and stay more or less clear of danger. I think going away on vacation for 10 days will help enormously just to clear my head. I'll be staying at my grandparent's condo and they don't keep junk food or have nasty eating habits at all!

Anyhoo, I'm off to do some more studying!

Day 273

2008-01-30T16:37:00.000-05:00

Good news: The nutritionist from the hospital finally called me this morning
Bad news: She can't meet with me until March 3rd! That seems an eternity away.
I haven't spoken to the psychologist yet but that's just because my cell phone is out of minutes for the month and I'm never home to use the home phone. I need go be evaluated first to see if I can get it covered by medicare.
Eating is still pretty shitty. I'm binging in the evening and this is why I need the help that I do. I really think it's more than a question of keeping busy. It's like I'm relapsing into this sick food addiction I have.
Yesterday I ran out of lactose-free milk and figured I'd mix the rest of it with about 1/2-2/4 cup of regular skim milk for my protein shake. Within half an hour I thought I was going to DIE. Killer gas cramps...the whole deal. Note to self: No more dairy!

Food today:

Breakfast - Protein shake (I need to buy more frozen melon, I'm getting sick of the berries)
Snack/Lunch - 2 clementines, large SF soy latte, Oh Yeah protein wafers (keeping the wafers for when I'm in class tonight)
Supper - Meeting a friend for supper...no idea where!

Without supper, I'm at just over 600 calories, 24g of fat, 67g carbs and 54g protein. I can't wait to meet with the NUT and see what she has to say. Let the countdown begin!

Day 271?

2008-01-28T19:39:00.000-05:00

Not sure what day of my post-op life it is, too sleepy to care! I have not had the best past few days.
Friday night, went to the movies, my friends had ice cream and I had nothing. I wasn't hungry and was completely okay with having nothing....but after the movies we decided to go to this crazy cake place. I knew I couldn't have cake, but I did end up having half a banana martini and half an oriental chicken wrap...left maybe 1/3 of the tortilla.
Saturday was a long one at work, I was just hungry and grazing all day. First with the peanuts, then with the protein pretzels, then with the crackers. Supper was steak and salad and potatoes. I didn't have a lot of the potatoes...but still had more food than I should have.
And Sunday...oh freaking Sunday! I was late for work so skipped my protein shake. I had protein cereal in the car, go to work and the kitchen was closed, so I had no lunch or supper. I had 3 slices (not all at once, obviously) of whole wheat toast and lots of pickles and olives. I even ate the snacks I brought with me, protein wafers and SF cookies.
Nothing seems to satisfy me anymore. I miss the feeling of complete fullness I had those first few months.

Breakfast - Protein shake
Lunch - Salted soy nuts (1/3 of a cup maybe?)
Supper - 1 slice whole wheat toast, 1/2-3/4 cup of cream of veggie soup, protein wafers, some more soy nuts
Snack - SF pudding? yogurt? cottage cheese pancakes? Who knows.

I'm so sleepy, how is it Monday again already?

Day 269

2008-01-25T18:49:00.001-05:00

I know, I know, no posting for a couple of days. I've just been super crammed between work and school. Seems like I blink and it's Friday. I had my first all-nighter of the semester last night and I'm absolutely pooped.
Eating is going well - I cleaned up all of my healthy groceries and labeled it. Now my family has no excuse to take any of it. Nothing more frustrating than coming home to find all my staple post-op foods are gone! I haven't weighed myself since Tuesday and I'm petrified to. I cannot handle any more disappointment.

I'm off to nap for a couple of hours before my movie tonight!

Breakfast - Oh Yeah protein wafers (210 calories and only 14g of protein, ouch!)
Lunch - I was cleaning out the fridge and cupboards so I didn't have a lunch per se but I did have 1.5-2 small cottage cheese pancakes, 3 SF shortbreak cookies, a tiny handful of almonds (maybe 10-11 of them at most)
Snack - 1/2-3/4 cup yogurt with 2 tblsp. semi-sweet chocolate chips
Supper - 1/2-3/4 cup kraft dinner, 1/2 sausage and 3 bites of mashes sweet potato...which all came back up. I ate way too fast and paid the price.
Later tonight - Maybe a latte, or just tea, my pouch feels a bit uneasy after those sweet potatoes.

Not too bad, I won't be around tonight to wander around the kitchen so that's good. I'm also going to Costco tomorrow to load up on a few extra things for the week!

Day 266

2008-01-22T12:52:00.000-05:00

Another week. Another gain. This one of 1.6. The good news in all of this is that I lost over a pound since yesterday. No more gains!

Breakfast - Detour bar (before run), Protein shake (with lactose-free skim milk, melon, vanilla powder)
Lunch - 1 small slice from an 8" all dressed pizza (#^$%), 1 pork skewer with 1 tblsp ricotta
Supper - Probably another pork skewer, or maybe just another protein shake!
Snacks - I'm getting 3 giant bottles of new DaVinci flavours tonight, so I will definitely have a latte with my new lactose-free skim milk! Maybe even a rice cake...although at 13g of carbs per piece, I'm not so sure.

Notice I attempted running this morning. I knew it wouldn't be good to run on an empty stomach, but I pretty much gave up halfway through because my head started pounding and I just wasn't feeling it...so I only burned about 120 calories. Better than nothing I suppose!

Day 265, part deux

2008-01-21T18:41:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling better, I must admit. I'm sitting at work and there's no kids, so I'm doing homework and updating the blog.
I didn't do my regular protein shake this morning and boy does it make a difference. No gas = no worries. So I guess I'm lactose intolerant! I need to do some research and see how this is going to affect me. I made a bunch of arrangements this week to meet with the nutritionist, psychologist, and my doctor in the near future. I'd like to redo my bloodwork before I leave for vacation in a few weeks. Speaking of which, I also need to renew my passport!
Eating today is going well. I'm paying enormous amounts of attention to my hunger levels and feelings...as corny as it may sound. I had dinner at 5:30 and by 6:30 I was automatically reaching my protein bar. I wasn't even hungry! So instead, I'm sipping on my water and keeping my mind off of food for a change.

Here's what I've eaten today:

Breakfast - 1/2 cup of yogurt, a SFNF latte
Lunch - 1 baby cucumber (great way to temporarily 'fill up'. I sprinkled some salt and chili pepper on mine..weird duo, but yummy), 2 boneless chicken wings (these things have been calling my name since last night, not the best of choice...but I could have eaten 10 of them probably, or not), 1 south beach protein bar (had this on my walk to work)
Supper - 3oz steak (I ate this slowly since my pouch isn't the biggest fan of beef and it was fine), 1/3 cup steamed carrots and zucchini, 1/4 naked baked potato (I saved this for last because of the potential damage to my carb intake).
Snacks - I have my detour bar for later tonight, but may add SF hot chocolate or a SF pudding if I need to.

Totals - 854 calories, 19g of fat, 94g carbs, 75g protein!!!!

Faaaaaantastic :)

Day 265

2008-01-21T11:50:00.000-05:00

Woke up late, no running...at least not until tonight after work, if I'm still up for it.

Scale read 175 this morning. At this point I'm think I could eat freaking air all week and still manage to gain weight. What the hell is going on???
I'm skipping my morning protein shake and praying that this horrible gas I've had will go away. I'm thinking lactose intolerance...but then again, cheese and yogurt are not a problem. Hmm.

I'm uber cranky now, going to school, then work!

Day 264 pt. 2

2008-01-20T23:38:00.000-05:00

It is 11:40pm and I'm trying to stay out of the kitchen. I decided to clean my room instead of throwing this pretty good eating day out the window. I have edited my food intake of the day in my first day 264 post. I got the 9pm munchies and had 2 boneless buffalo wings and 3 [small] spoonfuls of good ole KD. I had made myself a bowl of it...but threw it out when I realized what the hell I was doing. I had 2 bottles of water instead!

I found some books I would like t0 continue/re-read while cleaning my room tonight:

-Mindless Eating

-Dr. Phil's (meh) 7 keys to weight-loss success

-WLS for Dummies

Anyhoo, just thought I'd update quickly. If I have time tomorrow...I may even go running!!!!

Day 264

2008-01-20T17:54:00.000-05:00

I'm having gas issues. There! I said it! I've had the worst gas ever in the past week and cannot figure out what the hell is causing this out of nowhere...and it's so strong, oy. I can't stand the smell of myself and am actually debating whether or not I should go to school tomorrow!

In other news, I had my first support group meeting since October this afternoon. It was so nice to see everyone again! Very motivating and ensuring to hear other people going through the same things as I am.

Time to change rooms again!

Breakfast - Protein shake (frozen strawberries, 1 small banana, skim milk, gourmet whey vanilla)

Lunch - Support group meeting had 3 crackers with cheese, about 3/4 cup of grapes. And then I came home and had 2-3oz of feta cheese, 1/2 thick pita bread and 1 tsp tzatziki. Oh and 1 SF cookie.

Supper - Will probably be 1 cup of chili, 5 crackers. Maybe 1 baby cucumber if I feel like it.

Snack - Tonight will probably have 1 latte, maybe a pudding or yogurt. No unnecessary snacking tonight!!!!

Day 262

2008-01-18T17:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday started great, ended so-so. I got to work and was really wanting food...I couldn't even tell you if I was actually hungry or not. The supper being served was lasagna. Good thing was that I are slowly, and stopped the moment I felt I had had enough. Then I stared at my plate for a few minutes and poured salt on all the leftovers so they wouldn't be touched. I was quite pleased with myself! Around 7pm (just over an hour after super) I started feeling a bit hungry again and had my protein bar. At around 9 I felt it again but this time I had 2 [small] pieces of bread. Fantastic. But wait...it gets better! I then had salted peanuts. About 1/3 of a cup I would say. Oh yes...and I came home and had yogurt. Nighttimes are the worst for out-of-control useless eating. I need to pay more attention and keep busy! Of course I got home just after midnight and was exhausted and probably needed that comforty-food feeling. Now I'm just blabbing...here's what I ate today:

Breakfast - Protein shake (today I made it with a frozen melon mix...OMG SO GOOD! I will for sure be having these protein shakes more often in the mornings...I can't believe it took me almost 9 months to try making these shakes. Try it people!!!)

Lunch - 1 cup chili with 5 crackers (my frozen chili from this week...very yummy!!!)

Supper - 3-4 oz of pork tenderloin with steamed veggies (I've never made pork tenderloin by myself before so I hope it turns out good. I've bought a tons of different meat cuts and it's all hanging out in the freezer waiting to be eaten)

Snacks - SF pudding, 1/4 cup almonds and raisins, SFNF latte

I've already had 1/2 of my 1/4 cup almonds and raisins. I'm saving my latte for later tonight and I'm reeeeally going to be keeping on eye on myself later tonight when 9-10pm hits. I'm gonna try keeping myself busy and away from the kitchen. Also, this week I am going to be trying rock climbing. Stay tuned for that!

Day 261

2008-01-17T11:57:00.000-05:00

Food:

B - Protein shake

L - Protein shake

S - Protein shake

Snacks - Protein shake

The. End.

Seriously, I thought I was going a good job this week but my scale hasn't moved and I thought I was being all smart about the snacks I was choosing to bring to school (ie my 900 calorie bag which consists of dry raisins and 3/4 cup of almonds). Wrong! I had a mini-meltdown yesterday in a coffee shop as I was entering my foods into fitday. At 4:30pm, I was at just under 1400 calories...almost 900 of those being nuts/raisins, but still...that's not normal!

I e-mailed my surgeon's nurse this morning and asked about my plateau and asked about seeing a nutritionist. His answer? "Your BMI is 28. That's perfect. Maintain". Say whaaaa? He's going to have the NUT from the hospital call me this week hopefully because I need a crash course on food 101.

Aye. In the meantime, I'm sticking to the protein shakes for as long as I can. I work tonight so I'll probably be having supper at the club. I just hope it's something healthy.

Day 259 Part II

2008-01-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

You lucky readers you...2 posts in one day!

This will be a quickie because I'm very, very sleepy! I got home from school just before 9 and decided that I was going to make chili and freeze some for the week. Then I made a happy face with my 1-cup containers and took a picture.

Ps. I edited my food for the day in the post below :)

Day 259!

2008-01-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

Let's begin week 37 with an updated weight chart, shall we?

I gained 3 lbs this week. Not letting it get to me because this week is going to be awesome and I will get back down to the 160's in no time, I'm sure of it. What sucks even more is that I've lost 5 lbs since the middle of freaking November. What the crap?

Morning - SFNF hazelnut latte, Detour bar

Afternoon - About 1/2 cup whole grain linguine, steamed veggies, boca chicken burger, and about 3 tblsp of this spicy peanut butter sauce I made.

Evening - About 10-12 soy crisps, about 3/4 cup of almonds with 1/4 cup sultan raisins, 1 cup chili with 8 crackers.

Day 258

2008-01-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

Oh the roller-coaster week I have had! Life is hectic to say the least and I have been some bad choices to say the least. It terrifies me to think that I'm struggling at barely 9 months post-op. What happened 10, 15, 20 years down the line?

I have it rough simply because my family, although supportive of my choice to have WLS, eat nothing but crap. I was looking through my cupboards the other day and it hit me: It's like the holidays 365 days a year under this roof. I can't wait to move out and stock my own pantry. Oh how different it will be.

Work is going really well. Not sure if I mentioned that I got a job working the front desk at an uber fancy shmancy health club downtown. A position I could not have gotten 1 year ago that's for sure. I love it so much, everything about it. I also started working in their daycare tonight so that'll be fun. It's right by school which makes it even better!

I'm going to start journalling again because it's the only thing that keeps me accountable. I will actually put food back when I tell myself that it won't look good on paper (or on screen). I did not weigh-in last week and when I stepped on the scale yesterday, I was up to 172...over 3lbs from my lowest weight two weeks ago.

I also have some gym passes but I don't know how to possibly find the time to go. They expire Jan 31st and my back is still sore believe it or not.

Anyhoo...here it goes:

Morning: SFNF hazelnut latte, 1 SF pudding

Afternoon: 1/3 cup almonds, 1 slice tourtiere at work with about 1/2 steamed veggies

Evening: Detour bar, about half a protein shake (with vanilla powder, frozen berries, and skim milk...I am so, so, so proud of myself for liking this! I will definitely be making them more often!)

Not so bad if I do say so myself. I'm still sipping on that protein shake but I'm feeling pretty full...should be done for the day!

Day 248

2008-01-04T13:53:00.000-05:00

My pouch is difficult to please today. I made a whole big breakfast but by the time I sat down to eat it - blah. I think I just added a bit too much cheese to my eggs and the texture threw me off. Oh well, I'm not having an Oh Yeah! protein bar. I just hope it keeps me full until I get to work! At 370 calories, it better!

Breakfast - 1/2 an egg, 1 slice of bacon, 1/3 protein bar, 1 1/2 whole wheat cracker with about 1/2 teaspoon LF peanut butter and a few chocolate chips

Late Lunch - About 1/2 cup (if that much) of frittata (just eggs, cheese, veggies) and 1/2 cup of salad. And then 1/2 cup melon

Snacks - 1/3 cup salted peanuts (I get so hungry at work...and I brought a snack), 1 detour protein bar, 1 more whole wheat cracker with PB, 1 latte, 1 coffee with skim milk, 1 SF pudding.

I think that's all. I only had 1 or so liter of water and once again I feel like I ate more than I should have, I controlled it though!

Not too shabby!

Day 247: Back on the Wagon

2008-01-03T02:19:00.000-05:00

Breakfast - SF NF Vanilla latte, 1 raspberry-cranberry yogurt

Lunch - Detour protein bar

Supper - 1/2 cup salad, 1/2 cup spaghetti with meat sauce (I eat whatever the kitchen at work makes...and tonight happened to suck!)

Snacks - 1 tomato with feta and olive oil, a couple of bites of egg omelette, at most 1/3 salted peanuts.

Overall not a terrible day. I'm hungry now and feel like I could do some serious damage in the kitchen right now. It's definitely head hunger and driving me nuts. I think I have my mostly pasta dinner to thank for that. Tomorrow is another day, I'm planning on making some protein balls for the week. My back is finally feeling somewhat better today. Either that or I'm just getting really used to the pain. ha!

Day 246

2008-01-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

Yay for knowing what day it is!

First things first: How does one fracture a tailbone? Well it all started on Saturday when I found the perfect dress for New Years. This was a gorgeous dress which needed a very specific bra...I went to a few stores here and decided that I would go to Victoria's Secret in Plattsburgh and make a shopping day out of it. We drove to Plattsburgh (1 hour wait on the way in, 2 hour wait on the way back!) and I got all my shopping done. I was stepping out of the car and as my friend is telling me to be careful on the ice (while carrying all my shopping bags of course) I flatline and fall to the ground, screaming in pain. I laid there for about 10 minutes before letting my dad and friend attempt to get me up to my feet. Needless to say it's 3 days later and I'm still icing my back and taking painkillers every 6 hours. Oh and I start school tomorrow! I wish I had caught my fall on camera though, what a great laugh that would be. Such a typical 'me' thing to happen.

Despite the post-holiday munchies I managed to lose 2.5 lbs this week. That's a big improvement and I hope it continues well into the new year. I can't believe how close to goal I actually am. I can't believe my 1 year surgaversary is less than 4 months away either. Boy how time flies. I was hoping to start up my running this week, but that won't be happening for a while still. Stupid back!

Anywhoo, taking it easy. School semester starts up again tomorrow. Boohoo :(

[ title ]

2007-12-31T13:33:00.001-05:00

Not sure what day it is, I haven't updated in over a week!

Christmas great. Really, really, really great. First great Christmas in a long time! It was so nice to see family I hadn't seen in a year and to get so many positive comments, which frankly, I was not expecting. I overate. Big surprise. Christmas Eve especially, I just could not get away from the sweet table. I paid the price the next day though...I felt cranky and definitely gained at least a pound for my weekly weigh-in. Christmas day was better and the rest of the week was too.

For some reason I was sick twice this week after eating. Both times it was beef and my pouch has always been somewhat sensitive to beef.

That's all I can really type right now because I fell last night and broke my tailbone. What a way to ring in the new year! Oy. Seems like I'll be stuck in bed for the next couple of days at least. I have a lot to be thankful for though, so this should be good!

More updates in 2008, I promise!

Day 237

2007-12-24T13:24:00.001-05:00

I would just like to start by thanking all of the readers of my blog for their enormous support over the past year. It has been quite the roller-coaster ride and I wouldn't have gotten through it without the comments and messages you all have left me! So best holiday wishes to you and yours :)

I have nothing to report so this is pretty much my plan for the next few days.

The holidays need to be over because I am going a liiiiiittle bit crazy. Yesterday was my mom's birthday and we went out for szechwan. This restaurant we went to is famous for its peanut butter dumplings. Pre-op me + peanut butter dumplings = major love. I tried preparing myself mentally to only have a couple and hope that my family finished the rest. I ended up having 1 veggie spring roll, 4 dumplings (sounds bad, but 2 of them were very small), 1 piece of spare rib, a couple of forkfuls of cashew chicken, some string beans, and a forkful of these not-so-yummy noodles. Could have been worse. Stupid irresistible dumplings.

This morning I came downstairs to a big box of banana chocolate muffins. I was going to have half for breakfast, with a yogurt...but then I checked the nutritional info box and saw that each muffin had 540 calories. I passed those up and had 1/2 a bagel instead. Lots o carbs? Yes, however, I still should be able to keep under 100g for the day.

Tonight is our big italian feast and that's going to go well because I'm going to stick to the lamb (because we're weird and don't do the seafood thing) and some soup. The desert part will suck, but I'd rather not suffer the consequences, so it should be easier to pass up.

Tomorrow, Christmas day, I'm not worried about either just because I'll be seeing a lot of family I haven't seen since last year, so I'll be spending the night talking about my surgery and stuff. Food won't be the main focus of these holidays like it was in the past. The part that I hate is coming home with leftovers and being bored at home for the days following Christmas. Oy.

So that is a preview of Loser's first Christmas! Once again, thank you all and I wish each one of you the best of holiday wishes! Recap to follow on Wednesday!

xoxoxoxo

Day 233

2007-12-21T00:55:00.001-05:00

I hopped on the scale this morning and I am glad to say that things *seem* to have gotten back to normal. I'm eating better, feeling 1000x better and I cleaned my room last night, so I'm happy! I just got home from work not too long ago and I'm exhausted. Good thing about my work though is that they serve us our meals. Good thing it's a gym too because I get some really nice, healthy meals! First day was crustless quiche, then it was roast beef, then lemon grilled chicken, and tonight we had lean burgers with steamed veggies and salad!

Breakfast - Yogurt, SFNF caramel latte

Lunch - 1/2 whole wheat pita, 1.5 slices bacon, 1 egg, feta cheese, lettuce, sauteed onions and peppers, 1/3 tblsp mayo. YUM

Supper - A little bit more than 1/2 beef patty, at absolute most 1/4 cup of rice, and some steamed veggies.

Snack - 3 meatballs, 1 SF cookie

Not too shabby! Tomorrow is another day, one day closer to Loser's first Christmas! :)

Day 232

2007-12-19T20:07:00.000-05:00

My first official day of doing nothing had turned into me cleaning my bedroom from top to bottom! I went out and bought clear plastic storage bins to store all my books and school papers and it's looking so much better already.

Even eating is going better today.

Breakfast - Protein Express bar, yogurt

Snack - Around 8-9 soy crisps

Late Lunch - 7 beef meatballs, 1 bocconcini, 1 tblsp parmesan, 1/4 cup marinara

Snack - 1 SF cookie (buying these was a big mistake I admit), 4 whole wheat melba toast, 1 tblsp FF peanut butter, 1 tblsp RS strawberry jam

As for tonight, I will probably have a latte, maybe another yogurt or some cheese. If I get really hungry, I'll have egg white with veggies.

I feel a lot better physically today too, eating like crap sure makes you feel like it.

Anyhoo, back to my cleaning!

Week 32?

2007-12-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

I have been a terrible blogger in these past few weeks. I promise to be better now that school is DONE. Done, done, and done. Not only have I been a terrible blogger...but I've been an even worse eater! I had my first post-op gain this week, +0.5. I feel like crap about it. I'll need to work on stress eating a school next semester!

Other than that things are good. I've been getting ready for the holidays, can't believe Christmas is in just 1 week. What a crazy year 2007 has been! It only gets better, right?

Better update tomorrow, I'm exhausted!

Noideawhatdayitis

2007-12-13T00:28:00.000-05:00

All I know is that I have my first final of the season in 8hrs and counting. AHHHHH!
Just taking a quick break from studying because I've spent 25 of the past 48 hours sitting in this freaking cubicle, I figured I deserved a break. This week needs to be done like 12hrs ago. I've been so hungry all the time this week too. I don't know if it's the stress or my pouch failing on me but it's been the hardest thing ever to control. I've been rushing back and fourth from home to the library so my food choices haven't been the greatest. Today for example, I've had 5 large coffees, about 1/2 ziploc bagful of cereal and raisins, 1/3 ziploc bagful of whole wheat vegetable crackers, 1 chocolate chip waffle, 1 chicken burger patty, 1 protein bar...and I have some more snacks which I'm sure I'll be needing before the night/day is done. School sucks balls.

Back to the books. Oh yeah...lost 1oz this week. Woo-freaking-hoo.

Day 217

2007-12-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

Century club + 1! I won't be able to get the whole screen in next week unless I make my font a whole lot tinier!

Holy loss this week batman. I really hope (and I say this every week, ha!) that this is the start of my body doing what it is suppose to be doing again because I was getting pretty frustrated!

I am a happy loser this week folks!

Day 216 -100!

2007-12-03T22:33:00.001-05:00

It was a weekend of milestones in Loserland! First of all, my scale had been acting weird all week so I hadn't weighed myself at all until yesterday. I had been stuck between 175 and 177 for what seemed like an eternity...and with finals just around the corner, I thought I could use a break from the scale for a couple of weeks. Yesterday afternoon I was telling my dad about how the scale was acting weird, so I jumped on and not only was it working (argh) but it marked 173.7. I was FLOORED. For me BMI to be considered overweight (as opposed to obese) I needed to get under 174 and I made it! For the first time in my life, I am no longer obese. I laughed, I cried, I jumped up and freaking down.
Aaaand this morning when I hopped on the scale, I was at 172.8. EXACTLY 100 lbs below my starting weight back in April. I have lost 100 pounds. I can't even wrap my mind around it. This is just the push to get me going again.
Last but not least, I got a new job on Friday! I really wasn't happy doing retail anymore, just wasn't my thing so I had been applying at a few places here and there, not really thinking anything. I got a call back on Thursday for a receptionist position at this private/exclusive squash club downtown. Very fancy shmancy. I didn't think I would get it because it isn't like I'm the model of perfect help. Who ever thought I of all people could get a job at a gym? Well I did get it! I start on Thursday. I'm so excited, I get a free membership at their sister club too!

All that excitement and I must start studying for finals!

Day 212

2007-11-29T19:50:00.000-05:00

Day 212 in Loserland. Yesterday had a rough ending. I ate cookies. 4 of them. I felt like shit, but that's what I deserved I guess! I don't even know what came over me. It was my first binge I guess I would call it because I just shoved them in me before my brain could react.
Today is going better - not great, better. I can't wait to finish school though, argh! My scale is broken so no weighing myself for a few more days, not that I would want to weigh myself right now haha...

Anyhoo, here's what I ate today:

Breakfast - Detour bar
Snack - SFNF Pumpkin latte
Lunch - 1 egg salad sandwich on whole wheat
Snack - 1/2 cup SFFF pistachio pudding, 1 tblsp. chocolate chips
Supper - 1 breaded chicken breast
Snack - 1 cookie, SFNF pumpkin latte

Too much food and I'm going to try and not eat anything tonight...but worse comes to worse I'll stay away from the cookies and have some SF pudding instead.

Day 211

2007-11-28T19:53:00.001-05:00

Well it's day 211. Day 210 did not end too well. A lot of mindless eating late at night while doing homework. In my pre-op life, homework and exams were just an excuse to overeat. The frosh 15 actually made me happy because if I gained a bit of weight, I could just blame it on school. Of course my frosh 15 was more of a frosh 55. Last night I ate so much bread...I realized what I was doing but man, why?! It's frustrating this food addiction I have.

Breakfast - 3/4 detour bar
Snack - SFNF pumpkin latte
Lunch - Chicken breast with gravy and some french fries (I felt like shit after)
Supper - 1 beef eggroll, some more french fries
Snack - SFFF pistachio pudding with 1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder

I'm pms'ing and craving starches like there's no tomorrow. I need to cut them out. Tomorrow's a new day!

Day 210

2007-11-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

She's aliiiiiive! Yes, I am in fact alive. The semester is done this week so I've been really busy with last minute assignments and projects. These next 2 weeks will be even worse as I begin finals. I'm not too worried because I've done awesome this semester!
I decided that I need to start journalling again. I kind of gave up after a couple of weeks of writing everything down and seeing no results but back to basics for me! I did finally get a decent loss this week (week 30, -1.6) but I was finding myself reverting back to some old ways. Eating more bread, eating faster, eating sweets. In my mind I was eating in 'moderation' but eating wayyy too often throughout the day.
I splurged on True Religion jeans last week. Freaking size 32. And they've already stretched a bit too. I couldn't believe that I could actually tie them up and not have a bulging belly! I've lived in them since last Thursday. Best feeling in the world I tell ya.

Anyhoo...here's the scoop:

Breakfast - Detour bar
Snack - 1/2 doughnut, 1 SFNF pumpkin latte
Lunch - Stouffer's grilled herb chicken and veggies
Supper - Not sure yet
Snack - Not sure yet

My week 30 loss brings me to a total of 97.2 lbs down! So close to century club I can smell it!

Day 201

2007-11-18T20:57:00.000-05:00

I suck at updating this month, wow! There really hasn't been a whole lot going on to be honest. Eating is going good. I eat everything in moderation. This afternoon we went to a cake restaurant. A FREAKING CAKE RESTAURANT. I was so hungry too, not the time of day to walk into a restaurant full of cakes. I managed though, and it wasn't the traumatic event it would have been if I hadn't had this surgery. Life is good right now, I have nothing to complain about!
I'm seeing a boy, although nothing is official yet. I definitely see more of a future with him than with the last guy I was seeing. It's crazy the attention I get differently now, I'm still enjoying it but can see it become annoying some day!
School semester ends in 2 weeks...then onto finals and then it's Christmas! I'm so relieved that the semester is over. It kind of sucks though because I am just so sick of studying that I've almost given up...I've really slacked off in the past couple of weeks.

That's really the update I have. Lame bit much?

:)

Day 196

2007-11-13T13:25:00.000-05:00

I feel like I haven't updated in ages. There isn't too much going on, I'm seeing yet another boy, since the last one didn't work out. I'm 20 and I've never dated like I am now. It's very strange!
I have been really, really busy but eating is going well. As usual, the scale didn't budge until yesterday. Last week I weighed in at 180.3, on Thursday I was 182, and then Sunday I don't remember exactly what I was, but it was still above last Tuesday's official weigh-in. This morning I hopped on the scale and *poof* 177.4. What the crap?
It's a huge loss for me -2.9 and hopefully it's the beginning of some more nice big losses. Maybe I'll even reach my goal by Christmas!

That's it for today, the weather is gorgeous and I'm working in a couple of hours :(

Day 191

2007-11-08T21:56:00.000-05:00

My life, in point form:

Got size 10 jeans from Gap today. There's a long story to this, but I will have to wait until tomorrow to elaborate.
Eating is going super but the scale isn't freaking budging, so no more scale hopping until Sunday the earliest.
My doctor told me my dizzy/fainting spells are caused by dehydration so more water for me!

That's pretty much it. I have 2 assignments due tomorrow morning, but I work at 9 so I have no idea how to attempt this and manage to get some sleep.

Day 189

2007-11-06T22:46:00.000-05:00

I've been a bad blogger! I'm doing great though, just busy with school and work. The semester ends in just a few weeks, crazy!

Today was my week 27 weigh-in and despite a gain on Sunday morning, I did manage to lose 1.2lb this week, bringing my total to 92.5lbs. Today and yesterday have been really good. I'm running out of AchievOne though...no idea what I'll do once those are gone, they've been my staple every morning!

Breakfast - AchievOne, cheese stick
Snack - NF SF hazelnut latte, detour bar
Lunch - 1/2 cup tomato veggie soup, 1/2 a bagel
Supper - Broccoli stuffed chicken
Snack - SF hot chocolate (I haven't had this yet, and don't think I will, I'm full)

839 calories, 25g of fat, 77g carbs, 74g protein including the hot chocolate which I won't be having.

Yay for me!

Day 186

2007-11-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

Long time no update. I haven't had a good eating week at all. I've let my hormones get the best of me and haven't used the willpower I should have. I'm feeling pretty crappy and don't know how to snap out of it!

I found this picture on my computer tonight. It was taken in Cuba one of the first times I went in early 2006. It shocks me to see old pictures like this. I hardly recognize myself!

I'm eating (of course) it's just one of those pictures, I can't help but wonder, how did I ever think I could be happy weighing as much as I did?

It also makes me feel like I have such an amazing tool to use, and I'm taking it for granted.

I'm sleepy, weepy, and blah. Better update to come tomorrow.

Day 183: Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T18:37:00.001-04:00

Halloween. The one day of the year in which it's ok to eat mounds and mounds of chocolate. Or at least it was. I used to look so forward to having all this candy in the house. We'd always eat it all a week before Halloween and end up having to buy more. This year I think my mom did me a favour in not buying any until this afternoon. Would it have been a problem? Maybe, not like other years, but it was a relief to not have to worry about the temptation.

Here's what I've eaten today so far:

Breakfast - AchievOne, 2 melba toast with PB, 4 soy crisps

Snack - 7 jelly beans. Best darn jelly beans I've ever had!

Lunch - Nothing (breakfast was late so I didn't go hungry)

Supper - Whole wheat thin crust spinach and chicken pizza

Snack - I know I can't avoid the candy all night so I'm anticipating having a couple of treats.

Very reasonable if you ask me! I'm going to the gym in a couple of hours. I'm gonna play squash :)

Day 182

2007-10-31T01:10:00.000-04:00

It's late, I'm sleepy so this is gonna be quick.

Breakfast - AchievOne
Snack - NF SF hazelnut latte
Lunch - Whole wheat toast with PB
Snack - Spy crisps
Supper - Broccoli & cheese stuffed chicken breast

Totals: 671 calories, 23g of fat, 62g carbs, 54g of protein.

So-so eating day today, haven't really been in the mood to eat. I finally got my AchievOne protein drinks (mocha java) and it tastes okay, I'll need to order the cappuccino next time. Stupid UPS broke 3 of my bottles.

Today was also week 26 weigh-in day and to my surprise...I lost 2 lbs! I was the same or more up until this weekend when I decided that I was getting too hard on myself. I'm hoping to see the 170's next weekend.

I booked my plane ticket to FL tonight...I leave Valentine's day for 9 days. That'll be a nice break.

Anyhoo, I'm off to bed!

Day 180

2007-10-28T21:21:00.000-04:00

I have pictures! It's too bad I didn't have my camera at the restaurant or at the church, I would have gotten much better ones.

The supper was fun, nice italian restaurant. Everyone kept saying how different I looked since last time I saw most of these relatives was in August. The outfit came together pretty nicely. My shoes are too big at the back. I NEVER was able to wear these for as long as I did today in my "previous" life. Pretty random!
Supper was good, had veal parmesan with a side of spaghetti. I had maybe 3 or 4oz of the veal and a couple of bites of the spaghetti. It was so good, and I forgot the rest of it at the restaurant! Stupid me. I even had some desert. They came out with a chocolate cake, I had a couple of bites, put down my fork...pushed the plate away and before I knew it I had taken a couple more. I had the piece with the least amount of icing so I can see why I didn't dump. But man do I wish I had!

Anyhoo, I have some catching up to do. Where has the weekend gone?

Day 178

2007-10-27T00:37:00.000-04:00

It is day 178 and I am exhausted! I started work officially a couple of days ago, I actually start up again in 7 1/2 hours.
Things have been good. I have been doing stupid things though, aka voluntarily sabotaging my eating. Like late yesterday I wanted some soy crisps. I usually count out 14-15 into a bowl and put the bag away. Last night I was lazy and sleepy and just wanted soy chips. I knew that I would eat more than I should and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop *all of this internal dialogue of course* but I still brought the bag with me and munched away. Same thing happened this morning with a waffle. I saw a nice plate of waffles my mom had made and knew that I shouldn't have it. All those carbs, and the thickness you'd think would give me foamies. But nope. I grabbed one. I ate about 3/4 of it. But WHY?

Aside from that I bought the nicest dress today! I'm going to a baptism on Sunday and realized that I have nothing to wear. This dress looks amazing on. My jaw dropped in the dressing room. It's a size 12, nice cashmere-type turtleneck. I can't wait to wear it!

That's pretty much it for Friday's news :)

Day 176

2007-10-24T20:12:00.000-04:00

Not too much to say tonight. Things are well!

Breakfast - SF instant breakfast
Snack - 14 soy crisps
Lunch - 3/4 cup oh leftover shepard's pie, 1 tblsp HP sauce
Supper - Caprese salad, 3oz grilled breaded pork, 1 tblsp marinara, 3 mini bocconcini balls
Snack - Maybe a SF NF latte later tonight, or a protein ball, or some more soy crisps, unlikely though.

Water - Way better than yesterday, but I doubt I'll get more than 1.5L in
Exercise - Sadly. No.

Tra la la la!

Day 175

2007-10-23T22:07:00.000-04:00

Week 25 in Loservilled Stats:

Not too shabby, I am back on track as of Sunday...I need to get to these 170's. I haven't weighed 170 since the 6th grade!!!

Breakfast - Protein balls (I think I'm sick of them, they're getting hard to finish)
Snack - SF NF vanilla latte
Lunch - 1/2 chicken & pesto panini, on whole wheat bread
Snack - Soy crisps, probably anywhere between 25-30, I lost count
Supper - About 3/4 cup of shepard's pie. My mom decided not to drain the fat, so it was gross.

Back to studying for tomorrow's mid-term!

Day 174

2007-10-22T18:43:00.001-04:00

I am soooo glad today is over and done with! This afternoon I had my stats mid-term. This is the one I've been dreading the entire time and I am glad to report that I aced it! I can't wait to get this grade back. Two down, two to go. The last 2 should be a breeze though.
I did eat better today. I was a lot calmer which made a huge difference I think. I made some protein balls last night to get me through this week. I also went a did a bit of grocery shopping this afternoon. I loaded up on soy crisps and stuff to make salads. I need to get back on track. It's not that I've been eating badly per se, I just haven't been eating. Starbucks SF NF latte does not a meal make!

Breakfast - 1/2 a protein ball
Lunch - 1/2 whole wheat chicken pesto panini
Snack - 3 soy crisps
Supper - Broccoli & cheese stuffed chicken breast, 1/4 cup mashed potatoes
Snack - Either a protein ball or some soy crisps

These new protein balls I made with low-fat peanut butter, so 5g of fat, instead of 9g.

Day 171

2007-10-20T00:55:00.001-04:00

Oh do I have stories to share! It's really late though, and I have work early in the morning but I'll post this anyways.
A couple of friends and I had a girls night out tonight. We decided on dinner and a movie. Fun, right? So we get to the restaurant (after getting SOAKED just walking from the car) and instead of ordering big meals, we would just order 3 appetizers and split them (they had a special, 3 appetizers for $21). While we were waiting for that to come, we bumped into a friend who happened to be a waitress. She was very sweet and got us some drinks (diet coke for me, I took maximum 3 tiny sips) and some cream of broccoli soup. I figure it was soup, so it wouldn't fill me up too much, and I hadn't really eaten anything hearty all week so a little soup couldn't hurt! WRONG. I had about a 1/4 cup and started feeling really tired all of the sudden. Almost like I had to put my head down. It didn't help of course that the restaurant was loud and crowded. plus it was hot because of the humidity outside. I told my friends that I wasn't feeling so good, but after 10-15 minutes I really had to get away to calm myself down. My heart wasn't pounding like it did the couple of other times...I just felt so tired, weak, almost faint. I went to the bathroom and just sat down on the bench and did some breathing, splashed some water on my face. It took a good 10 minutes before I could go back to the table. I still felt a little off, but within 20 minutes of that, I was a different person. I felt so much better. It was strange, but that's dumping. No more soup for me!

Aside from that I start work tomorrow, then I babysit. And Sunday is another library day. I spent 3 hours there today but didn't get that much done. Next mid-term is Monday, and then Wednesday, and then Thursday. I need sleep now...

Day 169

2007-10-17T21:13:00.000-04:00

Same story, different day. Another crazy day of cramming at the library. Today, by 8:30pm all I had eaten was 1/2 an apple and a granola bar! I was dying for a coffee but I was all out of change. Tomorrow should be better, my mid-term ends at 11:30 and then I have a break to study and maybe even have a decent meal!
I knew when I signed up for this surgery that school would be my biggest obstacle, and alas it is. It doesn't help that I have don't really have anything compact that I can take with me in the morning. And I'm broke and I hate buying fast food, plus I can't eat in the library.

Heeeelp!

Day 168

2007-10-16T18:36:00.000-04:00

Now week 24 in Loserland and this will be yet another quick entry. *Pleasemidtermsbeoversoon* I am losing my mind. My eating is all over the place. I eat when I have the chance to, which is like in the car on the way to or from school. 9 days to go.

On a good note - I lost 4.1 lbs this week! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!! After losing 0.8 lb last week, I was freakin' determined to do good this week. It really paid off. Now 10lbs away from being 'overweight' and 14.7 lbs away from my personal goal of 170. I'm sure I will continue losing, at least until my BMI is in the healthy range, but if I can maintain up to 170, I'll be the happiest person for the rest of my life.

Must get back to working...I'm falling asleep. Wait, sleep? What's that?

Day 167

2007-10-15T22:37:00.000-04:00

Another quickie here tonight. Must. Get. Back. To. Writing. Paper.

(bad eating day)
B - 1/2 protein ball, yogurt
Sn - NF cafe latte
L - Nothing really
Su - 1 meat egg roll, 1 bite of a chicken tender, 6 french fries, 3 fork fulls of slaw salad.

Horrible! I may eat again before I sleep but I don't know what I feel like. I also didn't run tonight because there are simply not enough hours in a day for school and fitness it seems.

Tomorrow is another [weigh-in] day!

Day 166

2007-10-14T19:31:00.000-04:00

I don't have much to say today, it's been a pretty boring one. I haven't had much of an appetite at all and I haven't been drinking my water. Blah!

I don't even think I can separate today's food total into meals: protein ball this morning, then a SF mocha thing with hazelnut, then a bit of lasagna and chicken alfredo (1 cup TOPS of both together). That's pretty much it, I feel really hungry now so I may go and grab something in a bit. I've just been pre-occupied all day, no time/desire to eat.

That's it for today!

Day 165: Procrastination

2007-10-13T14:33:00.000-04:00

I'm at the library and this has been the most unproductive library trip ever. I've had to make a to-do list just to get me through these next 2 weeks of school. Stupid mid-term time.

I had quite the wow-moment this morning. I had an appointment with the nurse for my B12 injection and as the nurse was looking over my chart, her jaw dropped. She turned to me and said "You had gastric bypass surgery!?" And I nodded, she asked me how much I had lost and I told her 85 lbs. I thought she was going to fall off her chair, she then said "You were 85 lbs heavier? I never would have guessed it. You look so normal!". NORMAL? ME? It's funny because my best friend was telling me last night that she doesn't even think of me as overweight anymore. Of course I didn't believe her, but 2 people in 12 hours have called me "normal" looking. I've always been fat, how can that be?

Also, I spoke to my dad last night about me needing cold weather clothes because I've got nothing and he said to get what I needed and he'd chip in if I needed it. I'm going to need some sort of a fall jacket and a winter coat which is stressing me out because I'm in between sizes right now. Not quite a 12, but a 14 is just too big.

Food for the day - I haven't eaten yet today, so that will TBD.

Day 164

2007-10-13T01:11:00.000-04:00

I do not even know how/why I am still awake. I ended up pulling an all-nighter last night, and after speeding downtown to school to hand in my assignment, I just sleep on and off all day long. How's that for productive? I was also having a hungry day. Probably caused by boredom. And when I feel like this, I seem to shut down, lock myself in my room and avoid the kitchen at all costs. I hate grazing and that's a big thing for me. I did pretty well though:

Breakfast - Protein ball
Lunch - Stouffer's rigatoni, 1oz cheese
Snack - Protein ball
Supper - 2 meat egg rolls
Snack - SF, NF vanilla latte

Totals - 950 calories, 38g of fat, 103 carbs, & 50g of protein. Meh.

Tomorrow I'm waking up, getting my B12 shot, heading to the library (shoot me plz!) and then going on my last run for week #1 of this C25K program. Good night!

Day 163!

2007-10-11T21:31:00.000-04:00

Finally a picture of my masterpiece! They look like meatballs and taste like the best cookie dough ever. I need to cut back on them a touch, I've had 3 today, and sure they aren't all that unhealthy, but they represent almost half of all that I've consumed today.

I just finished another fantastic run. It was harder tonight but so rewarding. I went on afterwards for a bit even. I'm near dead now, but man am I proud :)

That's all I have to post today, I've been avoiding my assignment like the plague and reeeeeally need to get a move on it.

I have been logging all my food on fitday, I just haven't posted it here in a while:

Breakfast - Protein ball

Snack - Starbucks SF, NF hazelnut latte

Lunch - Cordon bleu chicken

Snack - Protein ball

Supper - Corn on the cob, and you guessed it...another protein ball (after my work-out)

Water - Excellent

Exercise - Fantabulous

Totals for the day - 942 calories, 44g of fat (yikes, I blame the PB), 78 carbs, and 63g of protein.

Day 162!

2007-10-10T21:02:00.000-04:00

First things first, I completed my first C25K run last night!!!!!!! It was really hard, especially that last 60 second run. I can't wait until tomorrow. I woke up this morning and had a bit of pain in my groin area, hopefully it won't be so bad tomorrow. It isn't even funny how I would have collapsed 6 months ago doing what I did last night.

Eating is going well again today. I figured out that my protein balls have 163 calories, 9g of fat, 11g carbs, 11g of protein. Kind of more fat/calories than I expected. I've had 3 today, they're so good! I also had some thin crust/whole wheat pizza for supper, and then for snacks I had the rest of my soy crisps. I'm definitely going to need to buy some more of those too, they were so yummy.

That's all for tonight :)

Day 161

2007-10-09T19:23:00.000-04:00

Week 23 here in Loserland...and I only lost 0.8 lbs this week :( I was at 187 (as opposed to 188.8 this morning) earlier this week, and here I was thinking I had had a really good past few days. Hopefully I can keep it up and boost these loses. 0.8lbs kinda sucks if I want to make it to my goal by the end of the year.

Breakfast - Protein ball, I must admit, it was too sweet to eat in one shot
Snack - Starbucks SF, NF, hazelnut latte
Lunch - 1/4 cup lentil soup, greek salad, 3oz feta cheese, 2 french fries
Supper - Cordon bleu chicken, 1/2 corn on the cob.
Snack - I think I'll have some soy crisps later tonight, maybe a protein ball

That's all for today!

Day 161

2007-10-08T21:50:00.000-04:00

I had a fantastic food day. I need to review a product today because I am soooo in love with these it is not even funny. Genisoy soy crisps. I picked them up last night and gave them a try today. They are full of protein (well, 11g per 28 chips, so I can have 14 twice a day, good deal if you ask me), low in fat, carbs, and high in fiber. They smell really weird though so I was hesitant to try them, but wow! I can't wait to try the other flavours.

Aside from these, I made some french toast for breakfast. I had a slice and it was so good, I topped mine with some splenda, extra cinnamon, and of course SF syrup. I then spent hours in the kitchen making tomato sauce and then braising my lovely pork chops inside. This was so good, I wish I had taken a picture. And then tonight I decided I was craving something sweet, so I searched the web for some protein ball recipes. I hate protein powder and kind of dislike peanut butter, but I will try anything loaded with 10g of protein per tiny serving these days. I came across this site and found a protein ball recipe I could try out. I ended up combining elements from a bunch of recipes and got my lovely balls of protein. They are very sweet, but I think I can handle it. I just put them in he fridge and these and definitely things I can use if I need a protein boost/sweet snack. ***I do have a picture of my final product but blogger is being weird***

That's all for tonight...tomorrow is weigh-in Tuesday!

Day 159

2007-10-07T23:33:00.000-04:00

Oh so sleey. I had another full day of training and rushing home to chauffeur my brothers between friend's houses and hockey practice. I can't wait to not do anything tomorrow, Thanksgiving Monday.

I had a really good eating today. I nearly got sick at supper though, my grandmother had us over and I ate really well, much more than I thought I would. What nearly killed me was the cookied I decided to have once I was DONE eating.

Here's what I ate:

Breakfast - Tea. I brought a protein bar to eat in the car but it was gross.
Lunch - A little less than 1/2 a small chicken teryaki sandwich at Subway, whole wheat bread, cheddar cheese, veggies. I had the chicken and cheese in the other half once I got home from work (no bread).
Snack - 14 soy crisps chips (found these tonight, they're excellent! 11g of protein per 28 crackers).
Supper - Lean pork tenderloin (4oz, who knew! It was so moist, very lean), couple of carrot pieces and broccoli florets, and some salad with SF dressing. I felt full and instead of going for the individual chocolate mudslide cakes my grandmother made, hot out of the oven may I add, I had just a chocolate cookie...the one that my pouch just was too full for.

Goodnight!

Day 158

2007-10-06T16:51:00.000-04:00

First things first, my date last night. Now we had gone out a couple of times, just for coffee and to talk...all the getting to know each other stuff. We had also been talking on the phone A LOT over the past few days. He's very nice and most of the time we had great conversation, but I don't think I'm what he's looking for right now. I definitely am not ready (especially now that I have such a new perspective on life since my surgery) to settle down at all. I'm not sure if I had mentioned that we had quite a few years age difference, hence the much more serious talks last night. I'm really not sure what's next. I suck at this type of stuff!

Besides that I had to be up by 7 to drive my parents to the airport, and then went to my new job training. Round 2 of this training is tomorrow all day. Ouf! And then I take my brothers to my grandmothers for yet another Thanksgiving dinner.

Food-wise I'm doing okay today, I need to go grocery shopping at some point before Tuesday and I have sooo much homework to do.

More tomorrow!

Day 156

2007-10-04T19:05:00.000-04:00

Another quick update this evening. I hate homework! I've had a really, really happy past couple of days. I met a boy, his name is Claudio and I really, really like him! We've had a couple of unofficial "getting to know each other" dates, but tomorrow night is the big official fancy schmany dinner date. This is a huge thing for me because other than the one boyfriend I've had, I've never really dated like other girls my age. We're taking it slow and I'll see where this takes me!
In other news, I went gym hunting today, sort of. I knew of a gym near my school which I had been avoiding because I didn't think it was worth seeing. It seemed small and I knew it had been around for a long time which mean old equipment etc. Well I went to see it today and was completely blown again! It takes up the entire floor upstairs and every cardio machine has its own satelite tv, the classes seem very interesting, and it was huge! I got a good vibe and it's definitely a contender. Plus, with my student discount, it's almost half price from the regular membership. Also, I can go to the location near my house since I'm not downtown at school every day.

I should really get going, here's what I ate:

B - Nothing
Snack - Medium SF vanilla NF latte
L - 3oz chicken, a few french fries, a few sips diet coke
S - Probably leftover chicken, cheese
Snack - I may have a latte tonight

Goodnight!

Day 155

2007-10-03T19:33:00.000-04:00

Hockey's back! Yay! Here is my WL chart with this morning's updated weight. Goodbye 190's, hello 180's. I am so close to my goal it's crazy, I could not be any happier!

Big loss this week, but that's only because I was sick and doing nothing but keeping somewhat hydrated. Eating today has been tough for some reason. I just haven't had the time or the apetite for food.

B - 1/3 south beach diet protein bar
L - 1/2 small slice of chicken pizza on whole wheat crust
Snack - Kit-Kat single bar
S - Not sure yet, I'm really not that hungry.

Water - Good, good!

Anyhoo, back to the game!

Thought I'd share these...

2007-10-02T22:06:00.000-04:00

April 2007
The night before my surgery I realized that I hadn't taken formal full-body pictures...so I took these in the bathroom mirror.

And then tonight, 5mos and 1 day later in the same outfit.

Those jeans were my favourite...they are size 22, and the shirt is men's size XL.

PS. Ignore the mess in the background :)

Day 154

2007-10-02T15:52:00.000-04:00

Week 22 begins! I was up almost all night last night and woke up late, so no morning run AND I forgot to weigh-in. What are the chances of that? I will weigh-in tomorrow and hopefully get that running thing started tonight. If I don't fall asleep in my books that is.

I gotta head to the library now...oh the joys of being a student!

B - Piece of cheese
L - Fruit salad (no juice/sugar) and part of a spicy chicken wrap (maybe 1/5 of a full wrap). It was wayyy too spicy for my liking.
Snack - Maybe more of the wrap, or a SF rice pudding
S - No idea yet, maybe the wrap.

Boring day today, eating wise. I just have no time for food it seems!

Day 153

2007-10-01T23:52:00.000-04:00

Happy 5 month sergiversary to me! Can't believe it's been 5 months. This is going to be fast because I have yet another essay to write and lots of studying to do before I let myself go to bed. Plus I just had a protein bar and I feel crappy now.

Food today:
B - Nothing
L - 1/2 white bun with LF garlic and chives cream cheese
Snack - 1 piece of cheese
S - 1 slice (actually, 3/4) of whole wheat bread, 1 egg, 1 tblsp mayonnaire
Snack - South beach peanut butter protein bar (yuck!)

Water - Meh, could be wayyy better.
Exercise - I'm going to try and wake up 45mins earlier tomorrow morning and run. Big words...but I'm going to try!

Day 152: Pouch's first Thanksgiving

2007-09-30T22:25:00.000-04:00

It may seem crazy, but Canadian Thanksgiving is next week! Since my parents are going on vacation, my dad's side of the family got together tonight. I loooooooove Thanksgiving food. Best food ever, right? I knew I'd face some sort of food dilemma...but I am happy to say that I did pretty darn good!

I had a small slice of turkey, a couple of bites of stuffing, a couple of bites of mashed potatoes, a baby carrot (or two), an asparagus, and some of my grandmother's famous broccoli casserole. I took my time eating it because I wanted to enjoy every bite. It seems like a lot of food, but alas it wasn't! I didn't over eat or feel like I was ready to die after dinner, I was very comfortable and satisfied. Very different from other Thanksgiving dinners. After dinner my grandmother took out the 4 (YES, 4, F-O-U-R) pies she had baked for the 8 of us. Now I wasn't anticipating having desert and I was full, no need to eat. I waited maybe 20 or 25 minutes and then decided to have a bit of fruit salad and 2 bites of apple crisp. Definitely worth every bite. Of course here we are 3 hours later, almost 11pm and I feel like my pouch is begging for food. Weird how it works sometimes.

Also, I bought a new iPod today since they were on sale and I desperately need music to work out. I'm hoping to start this "Couch to 5k" podcast this week. I don't have/can't afford the superstar running shoes I need right now, but it'll have to do! This week I also need to start checking out some gyms...or hope to at least.

That's it for tonight, happy Thanksgiving!

Day 150

2007-09-29T01:06:00.000-04:00

Warning: This is one of those "talking to myself" entries and completely boring and pointless.

Bah! Nothing really to update. I'm feeling better than yesterday, just a stuffy nose and a headache. I felt so lazy today...I did not like it one bit! I don't have class on Fridays and haven't started the job I sort of got yet, so I've basically been sitting at home doing nothing. Not eating or drinking very much in the past couple of days, I barely had energy to get up and do dishes.
Eating today was atrocious. My mom made the evil banana-chocolate muffins. I should really figure out how bad they actually are. They're low in fat, low in sugar, but probably loaded with carbs. I only eat 1 at a time, but they really add up at the end of the day. When there's nothing to eat in the house (like now) I just can't stay on track. I need choices! Grocery shopping after being unemployed for a month, after going on 2 mini-vacations within a month of each other = impossible. Hopefully the weekend goes better.

Day 149

2007-09-27T18:47:00.000-04:00

After 2 1/2 days of miserableness, I'm alive! Yesterday was brutal, I thought my brain was going to explode out of my head, I had a horrible cough, nose was running like crazy, I was sick twice, my ears hurt...and the hot flashes, oh the hot flashes! I almost went to the hospital because I was having trouble breathing and had to use my puffer 4 times. And this was after not using it in over a year.
Anywhoo, I had 0 appetite yesterday and the 1 thing I did eat made me sick. I did have a bit of soup last night which stayed down. Today so far I've had 1 small waffle with SF syrup, 3/4 cup whole wheat penne with tomato sauce, and 1 SF hot chocolate/mocha.

I have a big assignment due tomorrow and it's the return of Grey's tonight so that's what I'll be doing this evening.