After a nice long chat with one of my best WLS buds last night, I've decided that I need to become obsessed with calories tracking once again. Last fall it came to the point where I just refused to eat something I didn't have complete nutritional info on. It was making me crazy and I decided to stop my food journal because I wasn't eating enough and I didn't feel that I needed to worry about a few extra calories here and there. That was then! I need to seriously crackdown on this night time behaviour if it kills me.
I've mentioned it on here several times over the past couple of months and lately I've talked about it openly to my friends and family. I do fine all day long. I have no (almost) problem pushing food away, making healthy balanced meals, keep snacks reasonable and small...but once 9-10-11pm comes around, all that work goes to waste. It's like a completely lose control and just binge on anything I can pick up. It's completely self-destructive, almost completely unconscious and most of all, totally sick. Worst part is, I've probably followed this pattern of behaviour my entire life and never noticed it until now. It scares the crap out of me that I can't seem to stop this from happening night after night. And no, sipping on water won't do anything, neither will sucking on a SF popsicle. The past 2 nights I've had fruit late at night and my scale magically dropped almost 3 lbs. Good sign!
So here it is, my food intake of the day:
Breakfast - 1/2 cup berries, 1 package McCann's SF maple cinnamon oatmeal
Lunch - Detour protein bar
Supper - 1 cup left-over stir-fry from last night. My mom mixed the noodles with the veggies and chicken and I picked as much out of it as I could.
Snack - Cantaloupe, and/or latte, maybe a yogurt if I really need to eat something. I got back from the gym pretty late, so no eating after 9pm.
I'm going to the gym now - yay!!!! I'm so excited. I've been counting down the days since November!
Weight this morning: 177.8 [lowest weight recorded was 169.2 on Dec. 31st]
Thursday, March 6, 2008
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1 comment:
I want you to know that I'm dealing with binging behaviour as well. It's so hard and I've bought numerous books on the subject. I'll go through periods where I will just eat and eat and to the point that I feel awful and just sick. I do it to myself and am aware of that but am tightening the reins trying to get this under control. It's like I want to go back to eating like I did when I was 288 lbs. But I can't do that - my stomach is much smaller. I constantly am trying NOT to push the limits. I've found myself on a few days so obsessed with eating, that I've napped between meals just so that when i wake up I can eat something. It's like an obsession sometimes. That's truly the head issue stuff. The surgery doesn't fix the brain, only the body.
I was reading an article in my binging book that says that people have on occasion binged until they ripped their stomach tissue! (Not WLS patients per se, more like bullimics). That terrifies me. I'm trying to keep that image in my head when things get bad with the binging. Hang in there luv!
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