At this time tomorrow...

...I will officially be a loser! I thought the day would never come and it's definitely been an emotional ride. All my life, every birthday candle I've ever blown out, every penny I picked up, every eyelash off my face...my wish has always been to be healthy and normal, and tomorrow, my journey begins.
I'm really excited and it's just crazy to think that I'm going to sleep tonight and waking up to go to the hospital and get this party started!

Thanks for all the messages guys...I cannot even begin to put into words how grateful I am to be surrounded by so many positive thoughts.

See ya on the loser bench!

Quick Update #487373986

I have my LAST EXAM in just under 4hrs, and I cannot even put into words how happy I will be to be done school for a couple of months. This semester has been nothing but brutal!
Last night, after my exam I was driving a friend home and just after I dropped him off, my car literally died in the middle lane of a boulevard. It just stopped. I had to call another friend and try to describe to him where I was standing, which just so happened to be the scariest part in town, on a sidewalk by myself at 11:30 at night in the rain, when the phone battery dies of course. To make a long story short, 3 hours, lots of booster cable attempts, and 2 (yes, 2) tow trucks later, I got home at 2:15 am famished and mayormaynothavehadamcdonaldschickenburger. I felt horrible but I was starving, pissed off, and had another exam (the hardest one of all to top it off) less than 12hrs later. That was last night and I can still feel it sitting in my stomach. Very gross! Oh and my mechanic's shop is closed on weekends which is just fan-freakin-tastic because I HAVE to get it fixed on Monday (when I have loads of other things to do to get ready) and won't be able to pick it up for a couple of weeks since I won't be able to drive for a while.

That was more than a quick update and I've got to get back to studying!

3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick update

Well it's 1am and frankly, I've got to get back to studying! I just noticed that I haven't updated in...3'ish days. I got my surgery time, it still hasn't sunk in. I can actually say "my surgery is Tuesday" instead of "my surgery is in __ weeks" which has been fun. I have a list of stuff I need to find/pack/clean/prepare for next week. Needless to say it's going to be an interesting weekend. Also, I broke out the old credit card and bought a few things from bariatriceating.com and guess what, scheduled arrival is May 1st, aka my surgery day! I just hope UPS won't require a signature so I don't have to drive to the warehouse half an hour away, that wouldn't be pleasant. I'm also in need of more crystal light, I've drank almost all of the boxes I got for after the surgery.

Anywhoo, I should hit the books. 4 days 23 hours, give and take a few minutes.

7:30am next Tuesday...

...is my official surgery time as of today!

$15,000

There's a lot one could get with that amount of money, but me? I'm giving up my stomach.

I got my cheque today so I could go and pay Dr. Christou tomorrow, and get my pre-op package. I know this week is going to FLY by since I have these 3 finals in 4 days. I wish I could say it's keeping my mind off things, but if anything it's really just adding to the stress. I can't wait until next Saturday, when my last exam is done, I'll be done work for a month, and I have nothing but this new experience to put my focus on. [Note to self: No major surgeries around exam time ever again!]

10 days to go...

I am still hanging in there! Yesterday was pretty difficult, I didn't get all my water in, had a shish-taouk for lunch, soup and some mashed sweet potatoes for supper, and 2 somewhat protein shakes. I made a Carnation Instant Breakfast and added maybe 2 tablespoons of optifast and I could STILL taste the horrible stuff. And then at work, I had one of my gourmet whey peanut butter chocolate shakes. I don't know what 'full' feels like really, so I was still hungry for food after. I had nothing though, just stuck to my crystal light [sidenote, I used to hate crystal light, it was too sweet and just blurgh, but it has saved me this week..most of my daily water intake consists of peach ice tea, I love it!]. So I got home from work and was starving, I almost had a cookie, but didn't. Instead, I cut up some sweet potatoes and onions, roasted those in the oven and they were delicious..and then later on I had some vegetable soup. And that was it for the night. I wasn't hungry AND went to the movies without having candy/chocolate and feeling pretty good.

Today is off to a pretty good start too, had another CIB with a bit of optifast, I haven't had time to buy the soy milk yet, I doubt it'll make the optifast much tastier, we'll see I guess.

Single digit days tomorrow!

Cleanin' out my closet

I'm a bit late on my update today because a) new grey's episode tonight and b) I cleaned out my closet. After working at a high end plus-size clothing store for 2 years, I had sooo many dressy things I knew I wouldn't wear anymore, so I am giving them to my cousin who just graduated from university and is now a teacher. And, while cleaning out my closet, I found my skinny jeans. The jeans I got from Old Navy 4 years ago maybe...I was actually able to wear them for a couple of month, tonight I can't even get them past my thighs. Can't wait to be able to zip them up!
Aside from that, it was day 3 of my "liquid diet" but as previously mentioned, it isn't going well at all. And I really from the bottom of my heart appreciate the comments and messages I have gotten. I went out and bought Gourmet Whey protein today, I really love this stuff and recommend it. 23g of protein per scoop of power, 120 calories, 2g of fat, and 3g of sugar...I hope I still enjoy these post op! As for the Optifast, someone suggested I mix it with vanilla soy milk, I'm going to pick some up tomorrow and try it that way. Hope I can tolerate it like that, I don't even know what I'm going to do if I can't. I am still getting all my water in and am determined to start my walks soon.

That's my Thursday update...11 days to go!

Honestly

Day 1 of optifast didn't go so well. At all. That first shake of the morning was awful. The smell made me nauseous and I swear I could smell it throughout the day. I gave in and made myself a lean cuisine. Then I went to babysit and at about 8pm, I was famished and had some ham along with about 1/2 cup of rice, and then there may or may not have been a handful or two of peanut m&m's. The only good thing about yesterday, was that I had all 64oz of water. I felt pretty crappy about myself yesterday, I think I was way too hard on myself, which I promised I wouldn't be.
This morning was a whole new day and I decided to play around with the Optifast once again. I used half a pack of vanilla optifast, 1/2 cup of coffee and a tiny bit of SF hazelnut syrup...and once again, I gagged my way through 3/4 of the glass. And that was only 1/2 the powder! So for lunch, again, I had a cup of whole wheat pasta with some homemade tomato and pesto sauce. And like yesterday, I am trying really hard to at least get all my water in.

Yes, I am extremely discouraged and down...kinda debating whether I should just give up on the shakes and eat sensibly for these next 2 weeks, I never want to see/smell/taste an optifast shake ever again.

1st Optifast

...is SO GROSS. First of all, I filled my magic bullet cup with too much of it, and it exploded. All over the place. Even inside my magic bullet, it was coming out of the bottom! I really hope I didn't break it. Lesson #1: don't put too much liquid in blender, and remember to tighten the cap reeeeeeally tight. I had the chocolate optifast this morning, with just under 1/2 cup of coffee, and a couple of tablespoons of SF chocolate syrup. I've drank about half of it and I can't stand the after taste, or the smell. I don't know which is worst really. I find myself just taking quick fast gulps to taste as little as possible. I hope my 'lunch' of vanilla optifast with SF caramel syrup is better. It's day 1 of my complain-a-marathon and I already miss chewing something. I could really go for some bread right now, or a chicken quesadilla perhaps.
Oh and I weighed myself this morning...highest weight I will ever be in my life: 272.8lbs.

13 and 3/4 days to go. Or, 55 optifast shakes.

That's it...

I was actually looking forward to starting Optifast tomorrow just because it meant that my day was finally arriving. But man, now that it's here, I wish I had a bit longer.
I thought I was having an anxiety attack earlier when I got to my exam, plus I've been really nauseous. These pre-op jitters are really getting to me...they're almost making me sick!
After my exam, I picked up some greek food at my favourite restaurant, took it home and cried for about 10 minutes before I could start eating it.

This is going to be so hard, but I know it will be worth it, it will.

My last meal(s)

Despite the fact that I've been feeling crappy this week, I've been determined to have my last meals of crap. Well, turns out I don't love fast food as much as I thought I did because after 3 days of constantly eating out, I feel like crap!
My birthday last night was more than I could ever ask for. The place we chose was amazing, great food, lots of wine, the dancers were a blast. It was a great night!
And then today I started crying out of nowhere because it hit me, all these pictures are the last I will ever take of me fat...and all the 100 pictures taken of me last night were the last. I can't wait to get going!
Oh and I was able to go to Plattsburgh and buy all the stuff I wanted! Boxes upon boxes of SF jello and pudding, lots of crystal light...much more, but I feel a lot more ready now!

16 days and counting

18 days! 18 days! 18 days!

I can officially say that my surgery is in 2 1/2 weeks! Saying it like that makes it feel so close. What the heck have these past 3 months gone?
I have been feeling pretty sick these past couple of days. I don't know if it's just nerve, or maybe lack of sleep and lack of being in the outside world because of school, but I have had no appetite at all, when I should because as of Tuesday, that's it. Out with the old, in with the new.
Tomorrow is a big day for me. First, I am going to Plattsburgh with a couple of friends to load up on some SF goods to help me in the coming weeks. I sort of have a list started, but I'm always open to new idea. After I get back from Plattsburgh, we're heading to my Moroccan feast which I cannot wait for. Celebrating one of my last suppers, and my birthday!

I'll be checking back in on Monday!

Am I gonna survive this?

Not the surgery...but having finals just before surgery! I've gotten 4hrs, yes, 4hrs sleep in the past 2 days, and I haven't even started my exams yet. And to top it all off, I'm going to have to avoid my tim horton large double -doubles for it all, and won't be able to stress eat like I usually do. This is going to be hard!

That's all for today, I'm exhausted

Pics

I should be finishing my term paper as it is due in 12 hours, but instead, here are some pics of my past:



Cuba, Aug 2006

Grad pic! Taken Dec 2003

Being silly in London, Aug. 2005


Being silly in Toys'R'us, June 2004

Well that was easy, more later!

PS Holy cow...3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

RIP Habs / Happy Easter!

My beloved habs were officially eliminated from the playoffs last night and my heart hurts. Such a devastating night! There's always next year :( At least the leafs were eliminated!

I am doing good aside from that. I've been telling more family about the surgery and actually got my first round of negativity, which was to be expected. My dad's parents got back from Florida (they spend all their winters there) last week and my dad and me went over to welcome them back. I knew they wouldn't be 100% supportive like everyone else has been, but it's important for me to be telling people. My grandparents are extremely conservative, have constantly been on my back about losing weight and being presentable, and I've always come back from their house in tears or feeling like absolute crap. My grandmother's first words when I told them I was having the surgery were "But Chantal, it's not hard to lose weight, I just lost 17lbs doing nothing!". GREAT. Of course they were most worried about the procedure, which is the thing I am worried the least about. It ended on that note, they want me to change my mind. Oh and they were angry that my parents would even let me consider this.

I must say, I've gotten good at blocking out the negative comments. I'm doing this, and I'm gonna rock it!

Happy Easter (I must admit, I am eating chocolate as I type. Gotta enjoy it while I can!)

- 27!

Just 13 days left of actually food, I start my Optifast REALLY soon...
I am doing good, definitely eating out more and enjoying my favourite restaurants while I still can. Tonight we hit Arahova's, a Greek place which I love. It's not necessarily bad for me, just not ideal. I loooooove garlic though, especially tzatziki. I could live on garlic sauce!

I had my last full day of classes today, exams start next week already. Scary but I was ready for it to end, scary to think that when I start again I'll be healthy and hopefully thinner.

That's it for today <3

As seen on TV...

Hi! It is EXACTLY one month until S-day and wow am I getting nervous. I'm really going to miss food for a while, and that makes me sad.
It was a good week pre-WLS wise though. I went out and picked up a 'bullet', a magic bullet that is. I like it much more than I thought I would. I love that it doesn't make the shakes as bubbly as with my regular blender which is good. And makes for super easy clean-up, so I highly recommend!

Anywhoo, that's all for day -30! Happy April Fools!