Day 273

Good news: The nutritionist from the hospital finally called me this morning
Bad news: She can't meet with me until March 3rd! That seems an eternity away.
I haven't spoken to the psychologist yet but that's just because my cell phone is out of minutes for the month and I'm never home to use the home phone. I need go be evaluated first to see if I can get it covered by medicare.
Eating is still pretty shitty. I'm binging in the evening and this is why I need the help that I do. I really think it's more than a question of keeping busy. It's like I'm relapsing into this sick food addiction I have.
Yesterday I ran out of lactose-free milk and figured I'd mix the rest of it with about 1/2-2/4 cup of regular skim milk for my protein shake. Within half an hour I thought I was going to DIE. Killer gas cramps...the whole deal. Note to self: No more dairy!

Food today:

Breakfast - Protein shake (I need to buy more frozen melon, I'm getting sick of the berries)
Snack/Lunch - 2 clementines, large SF soy latte, Oh Yeah protein wafers (keeping the wafers for when I'm in class tonight)
Supper - Meeting a friend for supper...no idea where!

Without supper, I'm at just over 600 calories, 24g of fat, 67g carbs and 54g protein. I can't wait to meet with the NUT and see what she has to say. Let the countdown begin!

Day 271?

Not sure what day of my post-op life it is, too sleepy to care! I have not had the best past few days.
Friday night, went to the movies, my friends had ice cream and I had nothing. I wasn't hungry and was completely okay with having nothing....but after the movies we decided to go to this crazy cake place. I knew I couldn't have cake, but I did end up having half a banana martini and half an oriental chicken wrap...left maybe 1/3 of the tortilla.
Saturday was a long one at work, I was just hungry and grazing all day. First with the peanuts, then with the protein pretzels, then with the crackers. Supper was steak and salad and potatoes. I didn't have a lot of the potatoes...but still had more food than I should have.
And Sunday...oh freaking Sunday! I was late for work so skipped my protein shake. I had protein cereal in the car, go to work and the kitchen was closed, so I had no lunch or supper. I had 3 slices (not all at once, obviously) of whole wheat toast and lots of pickles and olives. I even ate the snacks I brought with me, protein wafers and SF cookies.
Nothing seems to satisfy me anymore. I miss the feeling of complete fullness I had those first few months.

Breakfast - Protein shake
Lunch - Salted soy nuts (1/3 of a cup maybe?)
Supper - 1 slice whole wheat toast, 1/2-3/4 cup of cream of veggie soup, protein wafers, some more soy nuts
Snack - SF pudding? yogurt? cottage cheese pancakes? Who knows.

I'm so sleepy, how is it Monday again already?

Day 269

I know, I know, no posting for a couple of days. I've just been super crammed between work and school. Seems like I blink and it's Friday. I had my first all-nighter of the semester last night and I'm absolutely pooped.
Eating is going well - I cleaned up all of my healthy groceries and labeled it. Now my family has no excuse to take any of it. Nothing more frustrating than coming home to find all my staple post-op foods are gone! I haven't weighed myself since Tuesday and I'm petrified to. I cannot handle any more disappointment.

I'm off to nap for a couple of hours before my movie tonight!

Breakfast - Oh Yeah protein wafers (210 calories and only 14g of protein, ouch!)
Lunch - I was cleaning out the fridge and cupboards so I didn't have a lunch per se but I did have 1.5-2 small cottage cheese pancakes, 3 SF shortbreak cookies, a tiny handful of almonds (maybe 10-11 of them at most)
Snack - 1/2-3/4 cup yogurt with 2 tblsp. semi-sweet chocolate chips
Supper - 1/2-3/4 cup kraft dinner, 1/2 sausage and 3 bites of mashes sweet potato...which all came back up. I ate way too fast and paid the price.
Later tonight - Maybe a latte, or just tea, my pouch feels a bit uneasy after those sweet potatoes.

Not too bad, I won't be around tonight to wander around the kitchen so that's good. I'm also going to Costco tomorrow to load up on a few extra things for the week!

Day 266

Another week. Another gain. This one of 1.6. The good news in all of this is that I lost over a pound since yesterday. No more gains!

Breakfast - Detour bar (before run), Protein shake (with lactose-free skim milk, melon, vanilla powder)
Lunch - 1 small slice from an 8" all dressed pizza (#^$%), 1 pork skewer with 1 tblsp ricotta
Supper - Probably another pork skewer, or maybe just another protein shake!
Snacks - I'm getting 3 giant bottles of new DaVinci flavours tonight, so I will definitely have a latte with my new lactose-free skim milk! Maybe even a rice cake...although at 13g of carbs per piece, I'm not so sure.

Notice I attempted running this morning. I knew it wouldn't be good to run on an empty stomach, but I pretty much gave up halfway through because my head started pounding and I just wasn't feeling it...so I only burned about 120 calories. Better than nothing I suppose!

Day 265, part deux

I'm feeling better, I must admit. I'm sitting at work and there's no kids, so I'm doing homework and updating the blog.
I didn't do my regular protein shake this morning and boy does it make a difference. No gas = no worries. So I guess I'm lactose intolerant! I need to do some research and see how this is going to affect me. I made a bunch of arrangements this week to meet with the nutritionist, psychologist, and my doctor in the near future. I'd like to redo my bloodwork before I leave for vacation in a few weeks. Speaking of which, I also need to renew my passport!
Eating today is going well. I'm paying enormous amounts of attention to my hunger levels and feelings...as corny as it may sound. I had dinner at 5:30 and by 6:30 I was automatically reaching my protein bar. I wasn't even hungry! So instead, I'm sipping on my water and keeping my mind off of food for a change.

Here's what I've eaten today:

Breakfast - 1/2 cup of yogurt, a SFNF latte
Lunch - 1 baby cucumber (great way to temporarily 'fill up'. I sprinkled some salt and chili pepper on mine..weird duo, but yummy), 2 boneless chicken wings (these things have been calling my name since last night, not the best of choice...but I could have eaten 10 of them probably, or not), 1 south beach protein bar (had this on my walk to work)
Supper - 3oz steak (I ate this slowly since my pouch isn't the biggest fan of beef and it was fine), 1/3 cup steamed carrots and zucchini, 1/4 naked baked potato (I saved this for last because of the potential damage to my carb intake).
Snacks - I have my detour bar for later tonight, but may add SF hot chocolate or a SF pudding if I need to.

Totals - 854 calories, 19g of fat, 94g carbs, 75g protein!!!!

Faaaaaantastic :)

Day 265

• Woke up late, no running...at least not until tonight after work, if I'm still up for it.

• Scale read 175 this morning. At this point I'm think I could eat freaking air all week and still manage to gain weight. What the hell is going on???
• I'm skipping my morning protein shake and praying that this horrible gas I've had will go away. I'm thinking lactose intolerance...but then again, cheese and yogurt are not a problem. Hmm.

I'm uber cranky now, going to school, then work!

Day 264 pt. 2

It is 11:40pm and I'm trying to stay out of the kitchen. I decided to clean my room instead of throwing this pretty good eating day out the window. I have edited my food intake of the day in my first day 264 post. I got the 9pm munchies and had 2 boneless buffalo wings and 3 [small] spoonfuls of good ole KD. I had made myself a bowl of it...but threw it out when I realized what the hell I was doing. I had 2 bottles of water instead!

I found some books I would like t0 continue/re-read while cleaning my room tonight:

-Mindless Eating 

-Dr. Phil's (meh) 7 keys to weight-loss success

-WLS for Dummies

Anyhoo, just thought I'd update quickly. If I have time tomorrow...I may even go running!!!!

Day 264

I'm having gas issues. There! I said it! I've had the worst gas ever in the past week and cannot figure out what the hell is causing this out of nowhere...and it's so strong, oy. I can't stand the smell of myself and am actually debating whether or not I should go to school tomorrow!

In other news, I had my first support group meeting since October this afternoon. It was so nice to see everyone again! Very motivating and ensuring to hear other people going through the same things as I am. 

Time to change rooms again!

Breakfast - Protein shake (frozen strawberries, 1 small banana, skim milk, gourmet whey vanilla)

Lunch - Support group meeting had 3 crackers with cheese, about 3/4 cup of grapes. And then I came home and had 2-3oz of feta cheese, 1/2 thick pita bread and 1 tsp tzatziki. Oh and 1 SF cookie.

Supper - Will probably be 1 cup of chili, 5 crackers. Maybe 1 baby cucumber if I feel like it.

Snack - Tonight will probably have 1 latte, maybe a pudding or yogurt. No unnecessary snacking tonight!!!!

Day 262

Yesterday started great, ended so-so. I got to work and was really wanting food...I couldn't even tell you if I was actually hungry or not. The supper being served was lasagna. Good thing was that I are slowly, and stopped the moment I felt I had had enough. Then I stared at my plate for a few minutes and poured salt on all the leftovers so they wouldn't be touched. I was quite pleased with myself! Around 7pm (just over an hour after super) I started feeling a bit hungry again and had my protein bar. At around 9 I felt it again but this time I had 2 [small] pieces of bread. Fantastic. But wait...it gets better! I then had salted peanuts. About 1/3 of a cup I would say. Oh yes...and I came home and had yogurt. Nighttimes are the worst for out-of-control useless eating. I need to pay more attention and keep busy! Of course I got home just after midnight and was exhausted and probably needed that comforty-food feeling. Now I'm just blabbing...here's what I ate today:

Breakfast - Protein shake (today I made it with a frozen melon mix...OMG SO GOOD! I will for sure be having these protein shakes more often in the mornings...I can't believe it took me almost 9 months to try making these shakes. Try it people!!!)

Lunch - 1 cup chili with 5 crackers (my frozen chili from this week...very yummy!!!)

Supper - 3-4 oz of pork tenderloin with steamed veggies (I've never made pork tenderloin by myself before so I hope it turns out good. I've bought a tons of different meat cuts and it's all hanging out in the freezer waiting to be eaten)

Snacks - SF pudding, 1/4 cup almonds and raisins, SFNF latte

I've already had 1/2 of my 1/4 cup almonds and raisins. I'm saving my latte for later tonight and I'm reeeeally going to be keeping on eye on myself later tonight when 9-10pm hits. I'm gonna try keeping myself busy and away from the kitchen. Also, this week I am going to be trying rock climbing. Stay tuned for that!

Day 261

Food:

B - Protein shake

L - Protein shake

S - Protein shake

Snacks - Protein shake

The. End.

Seriously, I thought I was going a good job this week but my scale hasn't moved and I thought I was being all smart about the snacks I was choosing to bring to school (ie my 900 calorie bag which consists of dry raisins and 3/4 cup of almonds). Wrong! I had a mini-meltdown yesterday in a coffee shop as I was entering my foods into fitday. At 4:30pm, I was at just under 1400 calories...almost 900 of those being nuts/raisins, but still...that's not normal! 

I e-mailed my surgeon's nurse this morning and asked about my plateau and asked about seeing a nutritionist. His answer? "Your BMI is 28. That's perfect. Maintain". Say whaaaa? He's going to have the NUT from the hospital call me this week hopefully because I need a crash course on food 101.

Aye. In the meantime, I'm sticking to the protein shakes for as long as I can. I work tonight so I'll probably be having supper at the club. I just hope it's something healthy.

Day 259 Part II

You lucky readers you...2 posts in one day!

This will be a quickie because I'm very, very sleepy! I got home from school just before 9 and decided that I was going to make chili and freeze some for the week. Then I made a happy face with my 1-cup containers and took a picture. 

Ps. I edited my food for the day in the post below :)

Day 259!

 Let's begin week 37 with an updated weight chart, shall we?

I gained 3 lbs this week. Not letting it get to me because this week is going to be awesome and I will get back down to the 160's in no time, I'm sure of it. What sucks even more is that I've lost 5 lbs since the middle of freaking November. What the crap?

Morning - SFNF hazelnut latte, Detour bar

Afternoon - About 1/2 cup whole grain linguine, steamed veggies, boca chicken burger, and about 3 tblsp of this spicy peanut butter sauce I made.

Evening - About 10-12 soy crisps, about 3/4 cup of almonds with 1/4 cup sultan raisins, 1 cup chili with 8 crackers.

Day 258

Oh the roller-coaster week I have had! Life is hectic to say the least and I have been some bad choices to say the least. It terrifies me to think that I'm struggling at barely 9 months post-op. What happened 10, 15, 20 years down the line? 

I have it rough simply because my family, although supportive of my choice to have WLS, eat nothing but crap. I was looking through my cupboards the other day and it hit me: It's like the holidays 365 days a year under this roof. I can't wait to move out and stock my own pantry. Oh how different it will be.

Work is going really well. Not sure if I mentioned that I got a job working the front desk at an uber fancy shmancy health club downtown. A position I could not have gotten 1 year ago that's for sure. I love it so much, everything about it. I also started working in their daycare tonight so that'll be fun. It's right by school which makes it even better! 

I'm going to start journalling again because it's the only thing that keeps me accountable. I will actually put food back when I tell myself that it won't look good on paper (or on screen). I did not weigh-in last week and when I stepped on the scale yesterday, I was up to 172...over 3lbs from my lowest weight two weeks ago.

I also have some gym passes but I don't know how to possibly find the time to go. They expire Jan 31st and my back is still sore believe it or not.

Anyhoo...here it goes:

Morning: SFNF hazelnut latte, 1 SF pudding

Afternoon: 1/3 cup almonds, 1 slice tourtiere at work with about 1/2 steamed veggies

Evening: Detour bar, about half a protein shake (with vanilla powder, frozen berries, and skim milk...I am so, so, so proud of myself for liking this! I will definitely be making them more often!)

Not so bad if I do say so myself. I'm still sipping on that protein shake but I'm feeling pretty full...should be done for the day!

Day 248

My pouch is difficult to please today. I made a whole big breakfast but by the time I sat down to eat it - blah. I think I just added a bit too much cheese to my eggs and the texture threw me off. Oh well, I'm not having an Oh Yeah! protein bar. I just hope it keeps me full until I get to work! At 370 calories, it better!

Breakfast - 1/2 an egg, 1 slice of bacon, 1/3 protein bar, 1 1/2 whole wheat cracker with about 1/2 teaspoon LF peanut butter and a few chocolate chips

Late Lunch - About 1/2 cup (if that much) of frittata (just eggs, cheese, veggies) and 1/2 cup of salad. And then 1/2 cup melon

Snacks -  1/3 cup salted peanuts (I get so hungry at work...and I brought a snack), 1 detour protein bar, 1 more whole wheat cracker with PB, 1 latte, 1 coffee with skim milk, 1 SF pudding.

I think that's all. I only had 1 or so liter of water and once again I feel like I ate more than I should have, I controlled it though!

Not too shabby!

Day 247: Back on the Wagon

Breakfast - SF NF Vanilla latte, 1 raspberry-cranberry yogurt

Lunch - Detour protein bar

Supper - 1/2 cup salad, 1/2 cup spaghetti with meat sauce (I eat whatever the kitchen at work makes...and tonight happened to suck!)

Snacks - 1 tomato with feta and olive oil, a couple of bites of egg omelette, at most 1/3 salted peanuts.

Overall not a terrible day. I'm hungry now and feel like I could do some serious damage in the kitchen right now. It's definitely head hunger and driving me nuts. I think I have my mostly pasta dinner to thank for that. Tomorrow is another day, I'm planning on making some protein balls for the week. My back is finally feeling somewhat better today. Either that or I'm just getting really used to the pain. ha!

Day 246

Yay for knowing what day it is! 

First things first: How does one fracture a tailbone? Well it all started on Saturday when I found the perfect dress for New Years. This was a gorgeous dress which needed a very specific bra...I went to a few stores here and decided that I would go to Victoria's Secret in Plattsburgh and make a shopping day out of it. We drove to Plattsburgh (1 hour wait on the way in, 2 hour wait on the way back!) and I got all my shopping done. I was stepping out of the car and as my friend is telling me to be careful on the ice (while carrying all my shopping bags of course) I flatline and fall to the ground, screaming in pain. I laid there for about 10 minutes before letting my dad and friend attempt to get me up to my feet. Needless to say it's 3 days later and I'm still icing my back and taking painkillers every 6 hours. Oh and I start school tomorrow! I wish I had caught my fall on camera though, what a great laugh that would be. Such a typical 'me' thing to happen.

Despite the post-holiday munchies I managed to lose 2.5 lbs this week. That's a big improvement and I hope it continues well into the new year. I can't believe how close to goal I actually am. I can't believe my 1 year surgaversary is less than 4 months away either. Boy how time flies. I was hoping to start up my running this week, but that won't be happening for a while still. Stupid back!

Anywhoo, taking it easy. School semester starts up again tomorrow. Boohoo :(